Lie to your children, please!
Tell them that jails will not be too overcrowded to hold them.
Tell them that if they get a rash in jail they will not be released early. They'll just be sent to the jail clinic, given ointment and returned to their cell.
Tell them that crying jags and fits of hysteria will not get them released early from jail either. Tell them that those things will get them molested by their fellow inmates...but not released early.
Tell them that being rich and famous will not matter if you're caught breaking the law.
Tell them that if they do break the law and get caught that you will not disrespect the system by loudly ridiculing the prosecutor who takes them to task or the judge who metes out their punishment.
Tell them you can not repeatedly drink and drive and get caught and get away with it.
Tell them that even if they move to Los Angeles they will not be able to murder their ex-wife and get away with it (had to slip this one in).
Tell them that being born into money will not get them status - that if they want status they'll have to work hard and perform socially benevolent acts.
Tell them that making fun of poor people and ethnic minorities on tape will not make them popular. Tell them such acts will demonstrate that they're mean-spirited bad people.
Tell them that using racial slurs will not get supposedly hardcore rappers to be their friends. Tell them those rappers will stand on principle and reject their friendly overtures.
Tell them that making a sex tape with an ex-flame and pretending to have no knowledge of the tape prior to its release will not make them popular. Tell them it will get them scorned and pitied.
Tell them that if they do all of the above and later launch their own perfume line and write a couple of books that otherwise good moms will not take their impressionable little girls to public appearances to buy the perfume and books and get autographs.
Tell them that there are even karmic and cosmic consequences to being a self-centered, racist, condescending person who contributes little to greater society in the way of responsible behavior.
Tell them that it pays to do the right thing.
And hope and pray that they're old and have kids of their own before they realize sadly that some of what you told them may not have been true.
Labels: Paris Hilton