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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Wednesday, January 09, 2008


How much are you willing to admit about your "flaws," in order to make money?

It's a rhetorical question, yes. But there's a point to it.

I remember watching an episode of Friends once, and I do mean once. It was the one with the black guy. I kid, I kid.

But seriously, I was watching Friends once, and one of the characters who played an actor on the show (Joey?) - how ironic that his character seemed to be struggling for work - landed an advertising gig that paid well. But the trade off was that he had pose as a guy who was happily living with herpes or some such goody bag ailment. So while he got a nice check out of the job, he suffered the awkward stares of hot women all over New York who happened to see his face on posters about coin purse warts.

I'm just not sure putting our flaws in the public eye is worth money. If I had micropenis - yes, it's a real disease - you couldn't pay me enough to talk about it. Same goes for those long-term issues that inspire Cialis and "blue diamond" TV commercials. And if I had goat-like BO? Forget about it.

What if you have yuck mouth, 'cause you don't brush? Would you really accept a check from a mouthwash company in exchange for admitting in a commercial that Cavity Creeps are traipsin' around your chompers? Sure you'd be paid, but saying "how about a kiss" afterwards would be futile.

Anyway, I'm rambling on about all of this 'cause a Miami Beach guy recently began promoting a new cream his company developed that eliminates bad smell on the old twig-n-berries.

Kidding? Heck no. This is for real. But it gets better. The company owner, one Dominic Adams, according to the company's Web site, uses himself as a marketing pun intended. He says he too has suffered from smelly junk, an ailment the site says can be a deal breaker with the ladies. Can't argue with that last part.

So I ask you, now that Adams has acknowledged that he has potentially stinky jewels, with whom will he share all the money he makes off this stuff? How will he get a date?

Who am I kidding? Adams is gonna make a mint on this stuff. And if I'm right about that, there will be women lined up around the block to meet him. And some of them won't even bother with nose clips.

But spoiled grapes? I admire Adams' self confidence. But this qualifes as Too Much Information, my friends, TMI.

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  • I hope he sells that stuff over the internet cause I'm not sure too many guys are going to be willing to be seen standing in line at Rite-Aid holding a bottle of it.

    By Blogger Jay, at 12:17 AM  

  • I can just imagine those late night commercials... A chick is about to go down on some random johnson and ends up retching from the stink Crotch rot.

    Suddenly she whips out a jar of smeg B gone from her purse... etc..

    By Blogger Hammer, at 12:55 AM  

  • Don't look at me, I'm the tmi GUY.

    By Anonymous og, at 9:14 AM  

  • I'd rather a guy address the problem rather than pretend there's nothing going on.

    No worse than regular deodorant or toothpaste. Some parts get a little stinky sometimes without drugstore products.

    By Anonymous jali, at 11:49 AM  

  • Too funny. Both your post, and Hammer's comment.

    Oh. And "...yuck mouth, 'cause you don't brush"... Wow. THAT really took me back.

    By Anonymous Freddie, at 12:35 PM  

  • I don't know about whether or not the guy should be publishing his *ahem* problem, but on behalf of women everywhere, if it gets rid of the skank, I'm all for it.

    By Blogger SWF42, at 1:19 PM  

  • the stuff on tv now would make my mom roll over in her grave

    By Blogger Pamela, at 9:01 PM  

  • When I read through this my initial reaction was OMG! You've got to be kidding? As much attention as I pay to commercials, Paul Newman could probably do one of those type commercials and I'd never notice the difference with respect to the publicity thing. But the guy who developed the anti-junk deodorant or whatever you care to call it and is advertising it himself - calling attention directly to himself in that manner - well, I guess all I can say there is maybe more power to him!

    By Blogger Jeni, at 9:59 PM  

  • OK, you took me back with Yuck Mouth!

    You need to rename this post, "How Many ways can I say smelly sack in one post?"

    As far as advertising goes, get an actor. You might as well since people like always assume they're actors anyway. I don't ever believe that folks in "plain folks" propaganda are really plan folks. Is it just me?

    And smelly sacks? It's not just a soap and water issue? That's scary.

    By Anonymous Lex, at 11:46 PM  

  • But the whole point of these commercials is to promote a product that supposedly resolves the issue, no? But I agree with Lex, I think most of those people are paid actors anyhoo.

    By Blogger Claudia, at 11:15 AM  

  • Okay - when I saw Letterman and Howard Stern talking about this last night? I thought, yeah, we know it's out there, but just like douches, there are SOME things better left unsaid! I didn't even realize there was a term such as MGO.

    Then again, it's only fair to be "put out there," since us women have had to cringe thru Vagisil commercials. But no amount of money could make me a star in one! Not even a tampon commercial!

    By Blogger Tiggerlane, at 2:58 PM  

  • The stinky crotch solution sounds a bit like throwing perfume on a toxic waste spill.

    I cringe regularly at the proliferation of female yeast infection products on TV. They act as if every woman gets them, which is NOT the case.

    And why do they invariably have 18-year olds modeling skin care products intended to reduce lines and wrinkles? Children don't have them. They probably cause them, but that's another matter altogether.

    By Blogger heartinsanfrancisco, at 7:27 PM  

  • Stuff like that has been marketed to women for years. He probably thinks it's about time for men to get the same treatment.

    By Blogger seventh sister, at 7:57 PM  

  • Omigod! I read this blog and just laughed out loud. Any guy that has junk funk probably needs a good bath! HAhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

    By Blogger Maisha, at 9:58 PM  

  • I see I was not the only one who reads your blog and also saw Howard Stern give Dave Letterman some of the cream or salve or whatever it is, that was the crux of your post yesterday. Meant to repost last night after the Letterman show and fell asleep. But I almost dropped my teeth on the spot when I realized I had just read about this product earlier on your blog! How news does spread, huh?

    By Blogger Jeni, at 2:44 AM  

  • Price check!Price check! You made me wake up quickly this morning with this one. Hoots and hollers!

    By Anonymous Kim, at 9:43 AM  

  • Smelly twig n berries, LMAO...too funny, I have an idea....wash daily or more regular when necessary...and use some talcum powder too!! LOL

    By Blogger Cazzie!!!, at 11:03 PM  

  • Amazing. I gotta say, there's no way in hell I'd be going on TV to talk about any part of my body having an odor issue. Ridiculous. What's wrong with a shower?

    By Blogger Melissa, at 4:16 PM  

  • Officially and completely grossed out.

    Good night.

    By Blogger katrice, at 3:54 AM  

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