Gluttons for punishment

I have an old friend, an old female friend, who over the years has been like a big sister to me, not taking anything away from my biological big sister, of course.

This friend is smart. She's got that book learnin'. But when it comes to men she's dumb as a rock.

And I don't get it. This isn't a new discussion. We've all had it before, possibly on this blog, definitely among friends and colleagues: seemingly smart person falls repeatedly for abusive, generally bad person, and refuses to change course.

Anyway, I got a call from her this morning about the latest guy. He's mean. He's condescending. He's inconsiderate, etc.

Here's the kicker - when she began dating this guy she did so only after brushing aside the advances of a guy who wasn't as cool as her eventual man. The other guy didn't drive the coolest car. His social and conversational skills were woeful. But he worked hard, earned well, had good sense, wasn't running from the law, didn't have a gaggle of babies running around out there, and just had a good heart. And I say social skills can be taught. Being nice, once you're past a certain age can't be taught. You either are or you aren't.

Her description of the other guy way back then? "He's just not my type!"

So the new guy isn't working out. He's good looking and has a nice car and dresses better than the other guy. But the new guy is a jerk. He doesn't have a pot to piss in and has no concept of responsibility.

Not her type? Guys do it too. We go for the one with super model looks, or even more baffling, no looks at all but super model 'tude. And we will hang onto her even after she sets our clothes on fire, kicks our dog, runs up our credit card bill, and cheats on us.

BTW, that last graph isn't personal experience. I've been lucky that way. I'm drawing on tales from buddies and scenes from bad dating movies. Still, I assume you get the picture.

I can't front. I told my friend this morning that she was dumb as hell. "You are dumb as hell." Those were my exact words. I had nothing wiser to offer. What was there to say? I've done it before. Dated someone, or bought something, or generally taken a course of action that I knew in advance would be bad for me. I did it anyway. I don't know why I did it then or a "few" other times over the years.

I certainly don't know why some people do it over and over again. After a while being punished bites, especially when you're the one punishing yourself...unless you're into that sort of thing. And if you are, I don't want to know about it.