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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Time and a place

First, my disclaimer: If you only own one outfit of clothing, wear it proudly and hold your head high when you do.

Everyone else? There is a time and a place! How 'bout my trip to Cousin's Subs to grab a turkey/bacon/guac sandwich. No, you won't find it in the South Beach diet manual. But I can't front. It was good.

Anywho, enough about the sandwich. When I sat to dig into my grub, a woman came in w/a couple of kids wearing a nightclub outfit. I mean an A Night at the Roxbury outfit. There was the too tiny skirt - you know it's too short if you subconsciously tug at the bottom of it every few seconds, the too tight sweater top that kept creepin' up over that belly button like it was trying to get away, and the open-toed shoes. What have I said about those shoes? Make 'em fit. Or clip your toe nails and rub some lotion on your heels. It was like little individual biscuits fighting their way out of the front of the shoes, each one fighting for room against the other one, all of them holding on for dear life.

Now, here's the kicker. This woman was attractive - pleasant face, nice smile, etc. She didn't need to do this. She definitely didn't need to at like 2 O'clock in the afternoon. If she really wanted to kick it like that at midnight on her way to the club, fine. Different strokes for different folks. Some of us took Roxbury as a club-gear guide, I guess.

But it's like a nice car. It always makes me cringe, when I see a classy, luxury sedan that has been ruined by a bawdy paint job or fuzzy dice hanging from the mirror, or some other ridiculous embellishment.

Have some faith in yourself. I ain't Oprah, but man, if you look good, let your looks flaunt themselves. No need to dress it up and ruin the illusion.


  • That made me think of the wierd things some retirees do to their golf carts out here. That's just not cool. What is she teaching the kids? And why force it? That's like using spray on chrome and seat covers, instead of simple maintenance. A woman should be herself, know what she's got and shove it in people's faces like that's all she's got. Just be a good person and be comfortable and people will love that.

    By Anonymous ChrisA, at 9:24 PM  

  • whoops, meant to say "not shove it in people's faces"

    By Anonymous ChrisA, at 9:25 PM  

  • Some people have excessively low self-esteem.

    Other people watch programmes like "Hollywood Wives" & think they should dress the same. Hmmmm.

    Not sure which is worse: - those who have it & flaunt it
    or those who don't have it & still try to!

    By Anonymous Bronchitikat, at 2:47 AM  

  • "It was like little individual biscuits fighting their way out of the front of the shoes, each one fighting for room against the other one, all of them holding on for dear life."

    Classic! LOL!!!

    By Blogger Manola Blablablanik, at 10:23 AM  

  • Now, me, I like to see a woman in a pair of nice fitting jeans, or even dockers. Black or white, a woman who knows how to buy and wear jeans takes my attention away from the most ho'd up woman out there.

    I'm with you on the cars, too. We get those big SUV's and luxury japanese cars with what the Chicago cops (I've heard them say this ON THE AIR) (Police scanner) call the N word package. Gold everything and the big rims with the skinny rubberband tires. Neither the vehicle nor the description is acceptible to me.

    I do think the spinners are kinda cool (guilty pleasure. But I'd never put them on a car. When they go out of popularity, I figure I'll put a set on my tractor)

    By Anonymous og, at 11:44 AM  

  • I hear ya Og. As for the scanner thing, it's a shame. But I used to cover crime before moving over to pop culture. And I've heard just as bad, if not worse, on those scanners. Don't they know people are listening? Or don't they care?

    And I agree with you on the jeans. That's another blog entry though. My buddies and I used to have a theory (actually we still do, but since I'm married now to a woman who wears her jeans perfectly well I don't spout it as often) about selecting the right jeans being a fine art, a science even.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 12:01 PM  

  • Mr B: I think that has the makings of a book. "Hindsights" by James Burnette and Og the Neanderpundit. I have already done extensive research. Obviously, you have as well. Sort of a "What not to wear" only by guys for women. Chapters including "if you have to lay down to zip them up they're too tight" and "muffintops are for muffins" as well as "how to wiggle into the best seat in town". I know at LEAST four women who could seriously benefit from the right jeans, and someone to show them how to get into them. When you get ready to do that post, let me know,. I'd like to cross-post at neanderpundit with similar info.

    By Anonymous og, at 12:32 PM  

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