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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Weekly Behavior Awards

Once again we got more votes for number one pinhead than for nice person.

So this part'll be short and sweet. The Good Behavior Award will go to my neighbor across the street who every morning like clockwork takes a plastic grocery bag and picks up trash around her front yard, the sidewalk, that little strip of grass the city owns but makes you maintain, the curb, and even the street in front of her house. No matter how many Nimrods drop empty Doritos bags in front of her house, and sit their empty soda cans on the tree stump at the edge of her yard, she never seems to lose patience. She just cleans up after those idiots. May a few of my other neighbors who haven't heard of trash cans follow this woman's lead.

As for Bum of the Week, we got a couple of nominations, plus my pick:
  • Tere, of Coral Gables blog (, offered this - "I was driving down one of the residential streets off my block, and there was this guy, standing by his Lamborghini - he had the doors up and was just standing there, arms crossed, posed by the car. I got the distinct impression he wanted us all to stop and stare at his obvious, fantastic coolness and his sweet car. ARGH."
  • Og, of Neanderpundit ( ), shared this - "My nomination is for the moron who sat in traffic in front of me; wait till twenty car lengths opened ahead of him, then looked up and decided to move.For three hours. If I had had a real tire iron, instead of the cheap little things they give you with cars nowdays, it would have been his last day on earth."
  • And here's my offering: The wife and I went to church this morning, 'cause I'm a heathen and need guidance that neither Peter Griffin nor Homer Simpson can give me. So when the service ended and we rose to leave, we noticed the oddest thing. Standing on a church pew next to the hymnals and guest-signing books was a little Chihuahua. But that's redundant. Anyway, this dog was standing on the pew. He trotted a few paces this way and that way. A few minutes later, his owners, a young couple who had attended the service, came and scooped him up. Now, I love dogs. I love pets in general. And I ain't uptight, but it is going to be a tall order to convince me that it is OK to not only have your pet in church but let him walk up and down the pews. C'mon. If that animal isn't doing Lassie duty (leading the blind or running for help after you've fallen or had a seizure), then it has no business in church. That's triflin' to the third power. Take that craziness to Lincoln Road, where little dogs can explore their human sides all they want. And all the people said? AMEN!

I guess it's unfair that I get the final say. But them's the breaks. And I say this week I win. I agree Tere, that guys who can't just enjoy their hot rods but wanna make you admire them too are often tools.

And I agree Og that any pinhead who lets 20 carlengths build before moving in traffic in front of you and drags this game on for hours right in front of you doesn't deserve to eat fresh food, much less drive. I'll leave the life and death thing to powers higher than me.

But even if you're not a religious person you have to admit that letting a dog - a pet, not a service dog - stroll around a church is not cool.


  • Dear Mr Burnett,

    I'd like to nominate someone for this week's Great Service Award - or whatever you call the category. She's Betsan at

    I'd tried ordering some sock yarn from the website a few weeks back & wondered why it hadn't come. Turned out I hadn't actually ordered it, just made a 'wishlist'! So I ordered.

    So Betsan first emailed to ask whether I really wanted one or two balls of one kind of sock yarn - you need two to knit a pair of socks, as I'd only ordered one!

    And again to say I'd actually paid full, rather than Members, price for something else - thanks.

    & again to check exactly what colour range I wanted for some more sock yarn.

    & again to say she's putting it all in the post for me this afternoon!

    Hey, I may be knitting socks come Friday. w00t!

    Anyhew, how's that for Customer Service? Not to mention patience, good nature, kindness etc.

    BTW - I'm pushing 50, not 80 - for all it may seem otherwise from the above!

    By Anonymous Bronchitikat, at 8:09 AM  

  • I'm with you on the dog thing, that's a nimrod of the highest order.

    By Anonymous og, at 8:39 AM  

  • Oh lord, what's next? Dog sticking out his tongue for a communion wafer?

    By Blogger Manola Blablablanik, at 4:47 PM  

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