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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Weekly Behavior Awards

So we got a couple of nominations for Poindexter of the Week, better known as Biggest Bum.

Only one came in, however, for Good Behavior recipient. One, plus mine, I mean.

I nominate the Peter Griffin look-alike I encountered at the beach today who inexplicably thought about the folly of his Speedo and without apparent encouragement covered it up by putting on a pair of full, baggy, completely unrevealing shorts. Thank you kind sir for that act of mercy.

Big Daddy had the only outside nomination. Here's his story: "I don't have any jackass shouts, so I'll give a Good Behavior shout to the staff at the Sheraton Key Largo (which used to be the Westin) located at MM 97. They were genuinely concerned about my stay, called me twice to ask if there was anything they could do, gave me a free upgrade to a 4th floor water view room (which included clear view of sunset) and treated our group like champs. Sid, who worked the beachside tiki bar was exceptionally friendly and I even got a free show as one of the other guests decided to sunbathe topless and then put it back on after being politely asked (and informed of her criminal activity) by the management. So not everyone who lives and works in So Fla. is a jackass and those who aren't certainly deserve all the credit they can get to encourage copycats. ( I realize that many in this area would not necessarily include the Keys as SoFla. as their approach to living is much more identified with Florida's west coast, but we take what we can get)."

I don't wanna be greedy. So even though I really was grateful to the beach guy for covering up that banana hammock, this week's Good Behavior award goes to BD's benefactors at the Sheraton Key Largo. It's nice to get good customer service w/out griping and grumbling on the side.

As for Biggest Bum, Og, of, nominated a smug guy in a hybrid (hmmm, sounds like a recent South Park episode - kidding Og) car who held up traffic in a parking lot by driving just a few seconds per hour. The guy also lost points with Og, who theorized that the batteries that will eventually have to be replaced in the hybrid will still contain environmental pollutants centuries after gasses from fossil fuels (gasoline in regular cars) have dissipated. I say "theorized" not because I doubt Og, but because I don't know enough about hybrids to take a side.

The second nomination comes from Andy of boredom blog. Andy says he was attending the Air and Sea Show this weekend and saw a nice looking Wellcraft boat slam into another craft. The pilot of the Wellcraft "did not even bother to stop," Andy says, adding "I thought that kind of thing only happens on dry land but I guess not." Fortunately a few other people saw the collision and took pictures, Andy says, and hopefully they got the crasher's vessel number.

And I had two nominations: One for the parents of the young boy who dropped trou about 10 feet away from the wife and I at the beach this afternoon and doused the hot sand with his stream of freedom. They laughed it off. With that reaction, the kid's gonna end up thinking he can spray away whenever and wherever he feels the urge. What's next, kids bending biscuits in the sand, while their parents chuckle? The beach isn't a litter box. Do I really need to explain why his folks are up for the award? My second nomination goes to the two too-cute-to-clean-up women about 10 yards away from us on the beach. Their umbrella caught a stiff breeze and snapped. When it broke they took it out of the sand and laid it next to their stuff. When they got up to leave, they left their broken umbrella. The puddle of pee was bad enough. If we start leaving busted furniture on the sand too, the oceanfront will start looking like a couple of front yards I've seen in the area.

Anyway, again, I'm not trying to be greedy. So Andy's nomination gets it. How triflin' is a hit and run in a boat? Guess that's proof that having extra cash doesn't necessarily make for having extra class. Hope they catch the guy.


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