The Problem With the Pick-Up

Once again, let us start with my disclaimer and reminder that Burnettiquette is about more than good manners. It is about good sense.

That being said, my guy from back in the day called me to catch up on things. And he brought up his cousin, who is actively seeking a mate.

I'm not mad at Cousin. We all need somebody to leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ean on.

But seriously, my guy's cousin is in his early 30s and has never had a serious girlfriend. And it's not for lack of trying. For the longest time I couldn't understand why it just wasn't working for him. He's a decent looking guy. Women always smiled back when he showed his teeth.

And then I saw him in action. We were all out one night a few years ago - before I was married - and Cuz spotted a couple of women who made him all wobbly in the knees. After signaling me and my guy to take up the customary wingman positions on either side of him, Cuz led the way. Like good wingmen we chatted up the friends of Cuz' primary target, to keep them from intefering with his pitch. And he, well, focused.

Cuz' conversation started out well enough. But then it crashed and burned in a matter of seconds, when he asked the woman if "it hurt." It's like a knock knock joke. You have to ask for explanation. She did, and he answered something to the effect of "when you fell from Heaven."

So fast-forward to today. Apparently Cuz is still using pick-up lines. And call it coincidence, but he's still alone. I feel bad for the guy.

Once and for all fellas they don't work...unless you're using them on an equally desperate woman. And really, how often are women as desperate as us, guys? NEVER.

But you don't have to take my word for it. I asked an old platonic female friend and my wife why pick-up lines don't work, other than sheer corniness.

And they both agreed it is because they smack of incincerity, that they are always rehearsed, and that most women have a hard time believing a guy who uses a practiced line to get their attention.

So fellas, if you too are a Cuz, don't believe the hype. Telling a woman she has a nice body will not get her to "hold it against you." It will probably get you pepper sprayed.