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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Weekly Behavior Awards

So I didn't post earlier asking for nominations, 'cause frankly I haven't been getting any. But that's OK. I'll take it as a compliment and assume that y'all just wanted to see who I gave the thumbs up and thumbs down to.

So assuming I'm right (hope so), here they are:

Good Behavior this week goes to my folks for their patience with the wack jobs they encountered this week - mostly on the highways - while visiting Greater Miami for the first time. They started their final full night in town with smiles on their faces and compliments for the weather.

As for Biggest Bum, there was a two-way tie. People Magazine gets a nod for its World's Most Beautiful People 2006 list being mostly populated by the same old Hollywood dregs. It's like The "World" Series being played between two baseball teams anchored in the continental U.S. There is no way the most beautiful people in the world are mostly actors, models, singers, etc., and come predominantly from LA and NY. If People really wanted to impress, they'd send their reporters, correspondents, and freelancers to the four corners of the Earth and look for beautiful people from all walks of life. If they wanted to, they could find 'em. And to be fair, there would still be room for a few celebs on a realistically compiled list.

I won't be hugging any trees anytime soon...unless they're really, really hot. Kidding. No tree hugging in my near future, but the second Bum nod goes to the woman I watched earlier today pollute a lawn and her children's minds by littering. As she sat in her tank-sized SUV on the curb by a neighbor's front yard, she wadded up a piece of paper - a food wrapping, I think - and tossed it out the window while kids sat in the back seats. It's pinheads like her who'll scold a kid for forgetting to pick up after himself and not putting his dirty socks in the hamper, but not think twice about tossing her own mess in someone else's yard.

Back to work tomorrow, Monday, May 1st., so I'll be back on my regular sched, updating this thing a couple times a day.

Peace and hair grease,


  • I don't have any jackass shouts, so I'll give a Good Behavior shout to the staff at the Sheraton Key Largo (which used to be the Westin) located at MM 97. They were genuinely concerned about my stay, called me twice to ask if there was anything they could do, gave me a free upgrade to a 4th floor water view room (which included clear view of sunset) and treated our group like champs. Sid, who worked the beachside tiki bar was exceptionally friendly and I even got a free show as one of the other guests decided to sunbathe topless and then put it back on after being politely asked (and informed of her criminal activity) by the management.
    So not everyone who lives and works in So Fla. is a jackass and those who aren't certainly deserve all the credit they can get to encourage copycats. ( I realize that many in this area would not necessarily include the Keys as SoFla. as their approach to living is much more identified with Florida's west coast, but we take what we can get)

    BTW, did your folks meet any decent people here in the Bottom? Certainly the AQ (A**hole Quotient) for Miami is not that much higher than that of DC or its surrounding area.

    Also, whenever you see someone litter and you want to make a point, just go pick up their paper, put it in the nearest trash can while they watch, say nothing, and keep moving like it's something everyone in the neighborhood does all the time. The kids'll figure out sooner or later that Mommy is a superficial contemptuous overconsuming pig who leaves a slug trail of garbage in her wake.

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