Weekly Behavior Awards

What was I thinking? I thought I had gotten a lot of nominations. Oh well. I guess I was just fielding all purpose gripes.

So, for Best Behavior, I have two nominations:

• From my mother-in-law, Carole (as paraphrased by me) - We all have beef with people who walk their mutts, let them bend biscuits, and then don't pick up after them. Well, Mother Carole spotted a guy in her neighborhood back in Mequon, Wis., who not only picks up after his dog, but as they walk he stops along the way to pick up random trash on the sidewalk and road side. That, my friends is a good citizen.
• And from Melissa, of Spoke in the Wheel - "Kudos to the man on the A train (in NYC) Friday who gave me his seat. Gold stilettos look great, but they can be a killer on the tootsies. He offered, I declined, he insisted, stood up, gestured for me to please sit down. As I was getting off a few stops later I said thank you again and he replied, "No problem at all, enjoy your weekend." So nice. Again, it's the small things."

For Bum of the Week, I nominate my crumbum of a neighbor who installed a fence so poorly crafted that her Jack Russell slipped under the gate, onto the sidewalk, and bit my leashed dog as we walked by on Saturday night. Lucky for the neighbor and the JR it only got a mouthful of my dog's ample fur. 'Cause had I not reigned my much larger dog in, and instead let him defend himself against the JR, he could have/might have eaten it in two bites. When the neighbor heard the commotion she just called the JR to the back yard instead of coming out front to investigate. I know she heard my wife and I out there on the sidewalk loudly "seeking" a human to come out and chat with us about what had happened. But she ignored. For her sake, and the dog's, I hope she gets that fence corrected before her dog slips under it and bites a big dog whose owner isn't feeling magnanimous.

I also nominate the guy on the Metro Mover (downtown Miami trolley for you out-of-towners) cleaning his crack pipe energetically while children stood nearby clutching their mom and staring wide-eyed. It's the second time in the past few months I've seen that sight.

And I nominate the two soccer moms in Pier 1 Imports in Ft. Lauderdale who mean-mugged me, as though I disturbed their ambiance by simply walking through the door of the place. Get over yourselves, ladies. Neither of you was wearing anything that would fit me. And it didn't look like you were packing anything underneath that I'd be interested either.

Finally, I nominate the Romeo on the train one afternoon last week who spent a 30 minute ride talking on his cell phone in speakerphone mode. So the rest of us had to listen to him and the woman on the other end talk dirty to one another that entire time. Dude, I hope you sit the battery on that phone springs a leak when it's in your front pocket next to your fellas. It'll be just punishment for subjecting the rest of us that conversation.