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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Deck the halls, not the spouses

Don't know what's happening in Bizarro World, but while picking up a few last holiday tidbits in Tar-zhay earlier today two women with giant shiners (black eyes) strolled by me in less than 15 minutes.

That's messed up. I hope that they fell down the stairs or got hit by an errant ball on the tennis court or something.

But if these women didn't suffer unfortunate accidents, and the men in their lives inflicted the wounds I hope those dudes get locked up, loved by their cell mates and beaten like they stole something.

Fellas, none of you should need instructions on this, but if she pisses you off, punch a wall, not a woman.

And if you're one of those rare - but existent - guys whose wife or girlfriend is beating you like you stole something, turn her butt in. She can do time too. Odds are though, most guys would take the beatings rather than admit the thrashings were coming from women. What does that say about us, guys? I ask, 'cause I'm genuinely curious, not 'cause Mrs. B is smacking me around.


  • I used to volunteer at a battered shrimp shelter. So disturbing. At least they had a place to go for help.

    By Blogger mist1, at 8:48 PM  

  • My dad used to verbally abuse my mom. When she begged him to be kinder, his answer was, At least I'm not hitting you. That's like the wife who begged her man to stop hitting her. His response? "You're ALIVE, ain't ya?"

    By Blogger The Sarcasticynic, at 9:07 PM  

  • I used to volunteer with a shelter for a while as well. Most people would be shocked how prevalent this type of thing is in society.

    By Blogger briliantdonkey, at 9:11 PM  

  • Mist1, you are cooooooooold!

    Sarc, that is ironic - sort of a misinterpretation of the grass is always greener philosophy.

    And Briliant, kudos to you for volunteering. That sort of work has to be life-altering.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 9:37 PM  

  • You think that's cold? You should see the Beer Battered Shrimp shelter.

    By Blogger mist1, at 10:33 PM  

  • mist1, I'm going to heck for laughing at you.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 11:03 PM  

  • The most disturbing thing is that many times, the man turns it around on the woman and blames her..."Look what you made me do, you made me hit you." (I don't know if it's the same scenario for a woman beating a man...)

    By Blogger Claudia, at 2:07 AM  

  • I jumped out of bed early one morning when I heard our late dog barfing in the hall. My foot caught on the bed cover which had sliped sideways off it's holder...
    and kaboom --- I went head first into the dresser. I had a shiner for 10 days. And it hurt like !*#!. The hubby took me in for x-rays and the ER staff looked at him suspiciously. Poor guy.
    ps. The hubby cleaned up the dog puke.

    Meanwhile, a friend of one of our daughters is in the real- battered situation and refuses help. And she has a little girl.

    By Blogger Pamela, at 3:13 AM  

  • A male friend of mine just got out of a relationship with an abusive woman. She called him a bitch because he wouldn't hit her and she told him that he wasn't a real man. Pretty screwed up!

    By Blogger captain corky, at 5:01 AM  

  • I appreciate that you brought up the taboo subject of women whomping on men, but I think you may have seen evidence of the disturbing trend of lesbians abusing EACH other.

    A romantic Fight Club of sorts. Bad news.

    By Anonymous 123Valerie, at 10:47 AM  

  • "Fellas, none of you should need instructions on this, but if she pisses you off, punch a wall, not a woman."

    James, I am so disappointed that you give that advice. Punching a wall constitutes abuse, too. Emotional abuse.

    Any Femi-Nazi can tell you that. Please try to be more responsible. There is nothing funny about domestic abuse.

    (Accept for that time in college when my psycho ex-girlfriend tried to get me booted from campus and then all of the guys inundated my mailbox and dorm room with posters advocating "awareness."

    These smartasses implored me to help them "take back the night.")

    By Blogger Matt, at 12:00 PM  

  • Pamela:

    That is the worst part is when children are involved. Sad to say, but there is a pretty good chance she won't get help until the day comes where it is the child getting the abuse instead of her. Perhaps even worse yet, is seeing her mom get beaten like that and putting up with it she will likely grow up thinking 'that is just the way things are' and wind up in an abusive relationship herself. We all become our parents to some degree whether it is smoking because they showed us it was okay to do so, using phrases like 'this is going to hurt me more than you' or tolerating abuse. Sad but too often true

    By Blogger briliantdonkey, at 12:15 PM  

  • 123Valerie, I never thought of that: maybe these women were a couple - though I didn't see them together. Like I said I saw them both in the store within 15 minutes of one another. Both appeared to be alone, unless they had split up to shop and met up later at the cash registers or something.

    Matt, I agree that punching a wall in your significant other's presence could come off as menacing. Still, I'd rather you look like a mean person for punching the wall than be a batterer for punching her.

    And Pamela that is very scary, having kids involved. Two guesses on how those kids are going to feel about abusive relationships when they grow up?

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 1:14 PM  

  • I agree, punch a wall...just don't hit a stud...cause that would hurt. ;)


    By Blogger Steven Novak, at 2:05 PM  

  • Well, Steven, if we shouldn't hit studs, then I guess you're safe. Wink, wink.

    Oof, that was bad. My apologies, James Burnett, for laying down a slimy psuedo-pick up line on your upstanding blog. I tend to bring down the property value wherever I am.

    By Blogger 123Valerie, at 3:20 PM  

  • My ex used to throw stove grates at me like ninja stars. Thankfully, she only managed to stick one in me once, but I had a lot of wall patching to do.

    I never reported it because I never wanted her to get in trouble with the law. And she'd have had to work hard to hurt me, in all honesty.

    Not until I caught her humming the local bank president in our shower did I dicide, "that's about enough of this"

    By Anonymous og, at 8:07 PM  

  • I had a girlfriend who liked to fight physically and it sucked because if I touched her the wrong way she would bruise. It's hard to explain to a cop that a towering man didn't bully a much smaller woman and marked her up fending off blows. I left her after she stabbed me with a steak knife. If she had't hit a rib, I might not be here now. If I hadn't left right then, she'd be in a cemetary. She ended up marrying a pro football player and sliced him with a knife right before the Superbowl

    Sado-Masochism can take on many forms and staying in an abusive relationship when you can leave is part of it. Most people in an abusive situation are afraid to leave it because the abuser is a known evil versus the more frightening unknown. I wish it would stop, but for some of our species, I believe its acceptance is hard wired. There are folks who don't feel right unless someone who claims to love them treats them like dirt both mentally and physically. This psychosis is bound by no income level or social status.

    It's a real crying shame because they usually pass that behavior on to their kids.

    By Anonymous Big Daddy, at 9:31 PM  

  • Sheesh, Og & BD you guys should get medals for sainthood. Hope those women got help.

    Good advice Steven.

    And 123Valerie, no worries. Guys have learned to give mulligans for pick-up lines considering how much we used to use 'em.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 11:39 PM  

  • I used to work for a DV organization. The reality of the situation was depressing and eventually, I resigned. I'm not that damn cold. Close, but not quite.

    By Blogger Mist, at 5:16 PM  

  • mist, it's all good. I know you're not cold. funny, that's all. and sometimes humor is the only way to wrap our heads around some of this stuff.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 5:28 PM  

  • Did I mention I'm a husband beater?

    By Anonymous Dayngr, at 11:19 PM  

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