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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Saturday, December 02, 2006

When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong...Again

So my guy was in the club the other evening trying to "spit game" as the kiddies like to say to a couple of attractive young women.

I know him, so I know his line's are lamer than the final stint of a politician with term limits. But I give him an "A" for effort.

He does alright.

At any rate, while walking from the bar back to his lady friends my guy stumbled and bumped into another guy. It was a hard bump, and my guy, to his credit, immediately apologized, patted the other guy on the shoulder and said he didn't mean any harm.

And then my guy started walking away. But the other guy snapped on him and declared himself to be hard and "gangsta" and told my guy he was "a fool" and that he would "put him in the ground."

My guy, a nice, civil, cleancut, well-spoken young man, can be a hothead, but not to the point of stupidity. So he started to walk away again, but Mr. "Gangsta" called out after my guy and began berating my guy's mother.

That's when my guy lost it and clocked Mr. Gangsta like Popeye high on spinach.

Mr. Gangsta went sailing. Bar staff and patrons gave approving nods. My guy apologized to management for losing it on account of Mr. Gangsta, and Mr. Gangsta's sheepish friends helped him to his feet and slinked away.

Mr. Gangsta tried to keep it real. Mr. Gangsta was shown to be the weak-kneed idiot that his ranting had already suggested.

Remember kids, sometimes keepin' it real ain't all it's cracked up to be.

BTW, I don't condone violence. And in keeping with this blog's connection to a family newspaper, my guy should've gone United Nations on Mr. Gangsta and asked him if he was in emotional pain and wanted to talk it out...or, if Mr. Gangsta's a fan of Entourage, hug it out.

Kidding.

14 Comments:

  • It's like a cliché, I guess, that the loudest mother fuckers are always the scariest, weakest, dumbest assholes in the bar, tryin to look hard. Dave Chappell has a hilarious take on that "keeping it real" thing.

    By Blogger Fathairybastard, at 12:35 PM  

  • I really hate it when some jerk bumps me and doesn't say excuse me. I found out west that people are more polite than they are here in the east. bigger people would bump me and apologize profusely. nice people!

    someday some bully's going to do that to me and I'm going right for the jugular. at that moment, i will be ready.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:00 PM  

  • This probably makes me a very bad person, but I think your friend absolutely did the right thing.

    Of course we should always handle things in a mature fashion whenever possible. That being said, there are people out there who take advantage of the rest of us through our aversion to violence. They know that most of us really hate to become physical, and they use it to push others around. Unfortunately, I really think that the only way these jerks can be dealt with is to push back harder.

    I say good for your friend. Hopefully he's given that punk a reason to think twice before bullying anyone again.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:00 PM  

  • Ok, I'm going to say something really stupid.

    If you're dumb enough to hang out in a place where dumbasses are likely to hang out, you deserve what you get.

    If your friend doesn't like getting bummed out by pinheads, maybe he ought to reconsider his lifestyle.

    I'll shut up now.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:54 PM  

  • Sam, it's interesting that you would preface your comment with a disclaimer that it might be stupid.

    My guy was in a reputable, "high end" place. The other guy who menaced him was out of place - not 'cause of his status or income or education level, but because he was tactless and shady.

    Law abiding folks shouldn't have to stop going to nice places because knuckleheads are running loose and might also be in the same places.

    It's the knuckleheads who start fights who should consider changing their lifestyles.

    As for my friend's lifestyle, do you know him? If so, you may know something illegal about his lifestyle that I'm not aware of. But I'm not aware of anything.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 6:41 PM  

  • Oh, and Fat Hairy, credit where credit is due. I stole the name of the post and the concept from the Chappell bit.

    But to be fair to me, in an earlier post in which I used the name and concept I also credited Chappell.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 6:42 PM  

  • Very funny! Thankfully, Mr. Gangsta was really a wanksta or this story might not have ended so happily.

    By Blogger GrizzBabe, at 6:52 PM  

  • A careless bump in church is considered a threat in a bar. Factor in drinking, (both in that your friend may have been more "tipsy" and Mr Gangsta more "jerky,") and the typical "machismo" that dictates he's gotta look in control to his buddies, and disaster's right around the corner. Tell me, would his reaction have been the same if it had been a hot babe that rammed into him? Your guy was definitely in the right. But nowadays, that ain't enough to keep you from getting shot at.

    By Blogger The Sarcasticynic, at 7:14 PM  

  • As for my friend's lifestyle, do you know him? If so, you may know something illegal about his lifestyle that I'm not aware of. But I'm not aware of anything.

    James, wouldn't have responded except for the logical leap contained in the above quote. Interesting. I mentioned nothing about legality. My point was directed at common sense. I've been around the block more than once, and have seen no clubs, "high end" or not, in which there were not a significant number of knuckleheads.

    Best wishes.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:26 PM  

  • Just once, I'd like to see that happen in real life.

    By Blogger mist1, at 8:32 PM  

  • Sam, you're right. I jumped the gun. I shouldn't have gotten defensive and assumed your question involved the legality of my buddy's behavior.

    Very good point. Avoid the clubs altogether, and avoid the knuckleheads.

    Thanks for dropping by, and please come back again.

    Mist1 this was a real story. It happened (I believe) four days ago (maybe three).

    Matt, you're scaring me again.

    Queen, I gotta say I agree with you. It's so rare that obnoxious people get put in check that there's a perverse pleasure in seeing one get chin checked for being a threatening dumbass.

    And Sarc, you're right. While my buddy's cause was righteous, nowadays standing up for yourself can get you shot. And that sucks.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 8:40 PM  

  • James, you're just not "rolling" hard enough.....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:29 PM  

  • Ha! You're right, Matt. Marriage has softened me. Now (like it was ever otherwise), the hardest rolling I do is drinking milk after the expiration date.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 9:33 PM  

  • Sometimes people get what they deserve, like a good knuckle sandwich!I guess that's what it took to get him to realize that you don't talk crap unless you invite some sort of retribution. It's as simple as cause and effect.

    By Blogger The Dummy, at 2:24 AM  

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