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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Thursday, February 08, 2007

An Open Letter to Extra, ET, Access Hollywood, Inside Edition, E! Entertainment Network, and MTV, among others

Dear Entertainment News Networks,

For the past six or seven years you have led the charge in perpetuating the hype surrounding the invention of the "celebutant."

You have glorified people with no inner glory. You have elevated to hero and heroine and star status people whose only original contributions to Earth were the steaming half-pound they left in the toilet each day and sucking away good breathing air that the rest of us could have used.

You have, like a sidewalk pharmacist, peddled the cheap high of quick glimpses into lavish living, knowing full well that the desperate and sad and even the genuinely ambitious among us would soak it all up like a collective crack head looking for that last crumb to cook, cut, and smoke.

You saw that the empress had no clothes, and you praised her wardrobe anyway.

And now, the queen of this wag-the-dog kingdom you created has shown a huge sign of tarnish. In this day and age where nothing done outside the confines of your own home is ever truly a secret, your queen has been caught on tape uttering most foul language about ethnic minorities and gay people - essentially "groups" of people who hadn't done anything to offend her, certainly nothing that warranted the language she used.

For years she periodically denied harboring the hateful feelings behind the language she used on the most recently "released" video. But she's been "outed." The tape, like statistics - thank you Mark Twain, doesn't lie.

So I ask, Mighty Networks, are you all talk? Or are you sincere about reporting "real" celebrity news?

Think hard before you answer. Because if your answer is the latter, that means the "right" thing to do is stop telling us stories about her. Stop reporting when she has an underwear malfunction. Stop telling us when her tiny dog escapes Hollywood and flees to South L.A. for some peace and quiet. Stop telling us when she doesn't show up for $1 million public appearances at nightclubs whose owners hope to cash in on her infamy. Stop telling us when she's overheard making light of some immoral or amoral behavior. Until she publicly apologizes for her behavior and her recorded bigoted language, and demonstrates a socially redeeming quality without first being advised to do so by a publicist, just stop talking about Paris Hilton.

Sincerely Yours,

CC: Nicole Ritchie (don't forget Nicole, your dad belongs to one of the groups she spoke so harshly of), Publishing Houses, Hamburger Joints, Fragrance Makers, Fashion Designers, Owners of About-to-Open Nightclubs, Animal Shelters that approve her for adoption, and every shameful mother who took her pre-teen daughter to one of Ms. Hilton's book signings or public appearances for an autograph

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  • I'll be very, very disappointed if Jesse Jackson agrees to meet w/ her to burnish her image. He HAD to meet w/ that other dude to preserve his position as spokesperson for black America.

    I nominate you for that job, James. You're very articulate. :)

    By Blogger Matt, at 9:03 PM  

  • Yes, she truly is trash. I don't understand how her parents can hold their heads up in public after all the stunts she has pulled. But then, who knows, maybe the apple didn't fall too far from the tree.

    By Blogger fiwa, at 9:10 PM  

  • Fiwa, her parents fully support her. Her dad supposedly berated her staff for not doing enough to promote her album. Jesus H. Christ.

    By Blogger Matt, at 9:11 PM  

  • Just when I didn't think that Paris could become any more devoid of qualities that would justify us not euthanizing her. What a talentless hack.

    By Blogger Queen of Dysfunction, at 9:31 PM  

  • What again is so spectacular about this woman? I hope I'm not offending females by referring to Paris as a woman, but enough is enough. It's a sad state of affairs when more young people know Paris Hilton than Fred Willard and Bob Newhart, if you ask me. Which of course, you didn't.

    By Blogger Michael C, at 9:43 PM  

  • Spoiled, stupid, and talentless. Our mass media has sunk to depths never before seen.

    The tabloids and celebrity shows love wallowing in pig shit so much that they can't let Paris go.

    Her fifteen minutes should have been up three years ago.

    By Blogger Hammer, at 9:45 PM  

  • Hear hear.

    This week's Newsweek explores the Nicole Ritchie's and Paris Hilton's of this world, and their (negative) influence on children. I believe the edition was released prior to this newest (and all the more shameful) Hilton debacle.

    But did we really need this news to realize she's no role model? The picture in Newsweek of a preteen girl, smiling & waiting for Hilton to autograph a photo made me undeniably sad. Your CC reminded me of that.

    By Blogger thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy, at 9:47 PM  

  • If that video of Paris doesn't finally force MTV and VH1 and other networks and movie houses to dump her I don't know what will. I would love to think that it would also cause her to lose popularity with the teenage girls that think she's so great. But I know better than that.

    Just another worthless piece of human debris.

    By Blogger Jay, at 10:49 PM  

  • she's a matter how much $ she's got.

    By Blogger Claudia, at 11:05 PM  

  • My favorite part of this post (besides the entire post) is your choice of tags: Paris Hilton, scum of the earth. Really, there's nothing more to say.

    By Blogger Balou, at 11:25 PM  

  • why am i not surprised??

    *checks jaw to make sure its still in place*

    yep not surprised at all.

    By Blogger Yasamin, at 12:55 AM  

  • Natural process seems to be, build them up and then tear them down. Yet another vapid bimbo, famous for doing home made porn and being rediculously rich, I.E. more free than the rest of us. Fame for fames sake, having done nothing to earn it. You couldn't have said it all better. This one will give way to another. An endless parade, with the media encouraging it to sell kibbles and "reality" TV.

    By Blogger Fathairybastard, at 1:35 AM  

  • Well said James! To quote my friend Doug, "Can I please be excused from the table? I have had quite enough Paris Hilton, thank you".

    By Blogger captain corky, at 8:03 AM  

  • You read my post. I hope to take care of this in a few weeks. Maybe I can get some paps while I am at it. Two for one!

    Have a great weekend, James!

    By Blogger Christina_the_wench, at 8:37 AM  

  • Amen!

    By Blogger Angie, at 8:45 AM  

  • Amen!

    By Blogger Angie, at 8:46 AM  

  • Yeah like they're going to listen to someone who makes sense.

    By Blogger Odat, at 9:29 AM  

  • They WON'T stop talking about her because there are too many people out there who want to know. That's the really sad part.

    I think she sits around TRYING to come up with the most outrageous stunts imaginable, just so she can prove she'll get away with it.

    Makes me sick.

    By Blogger Freddie, at 11:17 AM  

  • You know, I was thinking about Paris Hilton and her racially charged comments when I realized that when you get down to brass tacks, making such remarks doesn't really hurt their target so much as it makes the originator look like a right idiot.

    I mean, it's not like hearing some spoiled brat spew her ugliness makes me look at the subject of her derision and think "You know, she's right..."

    In fact, it's usually just the opposite. I look at her (and people like her) and think "Damn. What the hell is wrong with you?"

    By Blogger Queen of Dysfunction, at 12:26 PM  

  • Yes, I don't know why we give more attention to Paris than more pressing things. I guess this just means people want an escape from reality, because she's really from another planet.

    How'd you do with the workouts this week? See you at the roll call.

    By Blogger The Blogger, at 1:09 PM  

  • oops, that was me, using a different id. I hate it when that happens!

    By Blogger The Dummy, at 1:13 PM  

  • She's a lazy eyed skank. Really. And now Anna Nicole's death is going to push Hilton's racist idiot comments aside from the headlines because people love it when a celebrity like Nicole Smith dies. It's going to be the headline for a long time to come.

    Which means Paris's comments will get a sort of break. Which sucks because this should be her final destruction. But it won't be. I'm shocked at how much the Paris rant video has NOT been covered, given how much press Kramer got for his own moronic melt down.

    But of all the coverage that IS out there, your post is by far THE best I've read or seen. Enough of this chick already! Lazy eyed, ugly-ass over-rated racist trash.

    By Blogger The Dude, at 1:43 PM  

  • "Poor Little Rich Girls" have been around a long time.

    of course, the opposite is true, as well. "Rich little poor girls," -- one of whom won't be laid to rest until they fight over her body like maggots.

    Sad world.

    By Blogger Pamela, at 2:27 AM  

  • I hope this means we'll see a lot less of her in public. Did she do this for more publicity?

    I hope she'll go into permanent retirement.

    By Blogger Angelina, at 5:55 PM  

  • Say there was a charitable military entity located in South Florida and from time to time they wrote press releases. They did it themselves and didn't have a costly PR Firm helping them. How would such an entity get their PR to the proper local media outlets and actually get noticed in the hopes of helping the cause?

    By Blogger Dayngr, at 12:34 PM  

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