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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Karma needs to put up or shut up

Somebody hit my car...while it was parked...minding its own business. It likely happened yesterday afternoon or last evening. Front right fender. That's probably why I didn't see it right away.

Seven years I lived in the Upper Midwest, where six months out of the year people are sliding over the road 'cause it's covered in ice and slush and rock salt, where simply parking your car was like a surgical procedure 'cause you could easily hit a slick spot and bump the car next to you. And not once did I get a ding, dent, or scratch caused by another vehicle on my truck. Not once. What are the road and parking lot conditions down here? It rains sometimes.

I am pissed off. Do people not put notes under windshield wipers anymore? Wait. I'm in South Florida. It's stupid to ask questions you already know the answers to.

Seriously, this puts me in an arse-whipping mood. I think I might have to go to the gym later and strap on the gloves and the foot pads and beat a sparring partner like he stole something.

If that guy working the afternoon shift on the highway entrance ramp by the Herald is there when I leave today I might roll my window down and take change out of his cup.

My inconsiderate neighbor's yappy mutt that poops on other people's lawns and nips at other people's heels? I just might practice my field goal kicking this evening. I'll bet I could boot the neighbor a few feet off the ground. And that barking rat would at least make it over the roof line.

How could a place with so much sun and such easy access to the beach contain so many dregs?

Karma is not doing her job. She is asleep at the switch and needs to be either suspended or fired and replaced with some new cosmic force like, maybe, The Great Arse-whipper.

Some of these mouth breathers need to start making obvious payments for their callous treatment of other humans in this part of the country. I don't see payments being made. I see bad people getting away with bad behavior and carrying on, because Karma is not putting them in check.

If Karma doesn't start making these people pay and letting the rest of us see it, so we maintain some hope that there are such things as consequences then there will be a lot of William "D-fens" Fosters and a lot of Bruce Waynes (not the Saturday morning cartoon Bruce Wayne, but the original guy who became Batman because he was an angry, bitter, vengeful, near maniac) popping up.

No worries. I didn't like "Falling Down." And I don't think capes and rubber tights are my bag. Plus I'd be the crusading "hero" who got caught. And least you forget, I'm too pretty to go to jail.

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  • If it makes you feel any better, I used to think the expression was "mouth breeder."

    But I hear you on this one — my car is a shell of its former self, thanks to the city. And no one has EVER left a note, though it's been swiped and dinged multiple times by careless parkers.

    Knowing that probably doesn't help your situation at all. Suffice it to say, I too think karma is sleeping on the job. And for whatever it's worth, I hope your day improves.

    By Blogger thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy, at 10:27 AM  

  • Thanks for mentioning those aspects in which Karma seems to leave the bulk of us floundering on our own!
    Vehicle-wise, I've been relatively fortunate but sure can relate to the animals owned by neighbors problems! Our former neighbor thought nothing of letting her two pets out at various times during the day to do their business -which they always seemed to feel should be done in MY yard too! You know, however, had my kids and I had a pet and allowed it that much leeway to do its business in HER yard, there would have been He** to pay. Ok, for us to step in doggy do-do but not for her queenly feet apparently.

    By Blogger Jeni, at 10:52 AM  

  • I lived outside Baltimore, MD for 12 years. Drove around Baltimore and DC for that length of time. I never had the first accident, and drivers there are nuts.

    I moved down south, and before I'd been here 6 mmonths, I'd been rear-ended three times.

    Stupid, dumbass, redneck, old fart drivers. (I'm allowed to say redneck...I are one.)

    By Blogger SWF41, at 11:05 AM  

  • You might need to hook up a security camera in front of your house to capture things like this and then you can bust people when they hit your car or if their dog poops on your lawn.

    By Blogger Jay, at 12:58 PM  

  • Thank you! Karma has really been slacking lately.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:00 PM  

  • Which would you rather? A dingbat who dings your car or a roadrage incident while stuck on the palmetto? From what I've heard, they're both about evenly bound to happen in SoFla.

    By Blogger The Sarcasticynic, at 1:19 PM  

  • I hate karma.

    For reasons I'd prefer not to discuss.

    By Blogger Winter, at 2:49 PM  

  • Well said, James. I often think the same thing - and hope that I just don't get to "see" the effects of how that karma comes back to those types of people.

    Of course, in a small town - it sometimes takes years, but I usually hear of karma winning out -so that helps.

    Watched "The Pursuit of Happyness" last night - so today I'm thinking I have nothing to complain about.

    By Blogger Tiggerlane, at 4:00 PM  

  • i was in Indianapolis this weekend. i saw a storefront in a run down strip mall called "Karma" with a sign out front that said "Karma will open again soon"

    ...i can't believe i forgot to get a picture of that...

    anyway, forget about the bumper. Karma will get back on your side soon enough.

    By Blogger minijonb, at 5:11 PM  

  • You get folks like that in Florida because you have no winter to kill them or drive them away.

    By Anonymous og, at 5:52 PM  

  • Karma works in funny ways, amigo. Be patient.

    By Blogger latinbombshell, at 6:03 PM  

  • San Diego has the tiniest parking spaces ever and I have so many scratched and dents that I've never gotten a note for. It looks like I've hit things but I haven't. Bastards!! :)

    By Blogger Erica AP, at 7:49 PM  

  • no place beats Jersey for their a-hole drivers except maybe Fla. where I'm pretty sure is where Jersey people go to die.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:44 PM  

  • A better question might be how many people have ever left a note? It's hard to believe that everyone is perfect. I left a note when I hit someone as a kid, and it cost me $500. But it made me more careful.

    I also loath your neighbor. He should take better care of his dog. It's not the dog's fault. The dog wants some love and attention, and apparently isn't getting any. And, I have never seen a dog clean up after itself, just their owners. Kick the owner for not caring, please spare the dog.

    Thank you. I'm sure this is what you REALLY intended anyway. You're way too nice a guy, besides being so pretty, as you point out, naturally.


    By Blogger The CEO, at 11:14 PM  

  • I have a photo on my second blog which I could not resist taking: a Mercedes with the license tag "SLUMLRD" which had been rammed into so hard that it was totaled, probably by the guy's tenant.

    I call the photo "Karma."

    It showed me that the law of the universe is still working, even though I rarely see the effects.

    Sorry about your car, James.

    By Blogger heartinsanfrancisco, at 12:35 AM  

  • ThirdWorst, thank you. "Mouth Breeder" definitely got a laugh out of me.

    Jeni, Karma should have her own lawn pooped on.

    SWF41, yes you can say it ;-) As for Southern drivers, what the hell happened to Southern hospitality? That must not apply to the road.

    Jay, I just threw the mention of the dog poop thing in for good measure. That problem w/my neighbor has not occured in some time. The dog is still yappy. But that'll never change. As for the car, I keep it parked in my fenced driveway at home. It was hit in a parking lot either at the grocery store or the doctor's office. But I do like the idea of a security camera, or at least one of those realistic-looking fake ones as a deterrent.

    Anonymous, amen!

    Sarc, I try to stay off the Palmetto. Fortunately, I don't need to drive on it to get to or from work. Occasionally I take it to drive to an interview or something.

    Winter, cough 'em up. You can't tease us w/mystery about Karma and then not give details.

    Tiggerlane, I know seeing Karma work at her own pace requires patience. I'm just running low. And I loved that movie - sort of brought a tear to my eye. We went and saw it on Christmas Day.

    Minijonb, a picture of that sign would have been hilarious.

    Og, ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's what we need: some ice and sleet to help with natural selection. I swear I'm gonna team up with Dr. Evil and launch an adverse weather satellite in the skies over Miami.

    Bombshell, I'm trying.

    Erica, I feel your pain.

    MyReflectingPool, do you guys want any Jerseyite drivers back? I'm sure I can send a few from my block, alone.

    CEO, you are correct. I'd never kick the dog...though the yapping has made me want to from time to time. I love dogs. Just spent a grip on mine at the vet clinic. If I could drop-kick the owner though, I definitely would.

    HeartsinSanFran, I want a copy of that picture. I swear I'll blow it up and make a poster out of it to hang next to my desk or next to my writing hole at home.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 11:52 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by the author.

    By Blogger heartinsanfrancisco, at 8:29 PM  

  • My second blog is called The World Around Me. There is a link to it on my primary one, Guilty...

    The photo is a jpeg. You're welcome to borrow it from the April archives.

    By Blogger heartinsanfrancisco, at 8:33 PM  

  • When they said Karma was a bitch they weren't kidding. Now you know why, the bitch aint doing her job!

    By Blogger Dayngr, at 12:05 PM  

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