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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Hmmm, maybe they're not so bad after all

Until I read this article, I was convinced some of my neighbors were the worst ever.

There are the loud college girls who blast their car stereos when they arrive home from work in the middle of the night and early morning. And for some reason they can't turn off the car or get out of the car until whatever song is playing has run its course.

There's the capital A-hole whose little rat dog bends biscuits on the swale in front of my house. Of course, he doesn't pick up after the dog.

There are Cletus and Earl a few doors down, who have been "repairing" the facade of their house for nearly a year. Every day after work they start, and every Saturday morning they start. Twelve or so Budweisers later and the "foreman" has stopped work for the day. So the house looks like it was struck by a hurricane. It wasn't. But it will never be finished. My kid who isn't even born yet will graduate high school before these guys finish the job.

There's the chucklehead across the street who bought a crotch rocket a few months ago and now sits at the curb in front of my house for 10 - 20 minutes at a time just revving the engine. I don't get that. Is he checking to make sure the damn thing works? It's sort of like dress shirts with the wearer's initials on the cuffs. What - without the initials we'd forget who our shirts belong too? Your motorcycle works, bro! Take off or shut it off.

They all bite worse than sharks. And if they were on fire on the sidewalk, I don't even think I'd pee on 'em to douse the flames.

But then again, I could live next door to P.K. Boobs or Buck Nekkit. So consider this a glass half full revelation: my neighbors could be worse.

BTW: Don't forget to check this link too, to get to my Sunday article on a crime-ridden neighborhood struggling to rebuild.



  • Years back, when my son was a senior in high school and working at a local restaurant establishment on the afternoon/evening shift, my neighbors and I could usually hear him coming home from work at least a half mile away -not from the music on his stereo system per se but rather by the bass beats. Fortunately for his scrawny butt, none of the neighbors ever complained -not much anyway - most of them joked that at least they knew he'd made it over the mountain safely.
    But the doggie do -now that is something we've dealt with here as at times, the neighbor on both sides had dogs -well one has/has one dog, the other had two and the one with one mutt, her kids would walk the dog, let him do his business but never cleaned it up. The other, with two dogs, would let hers loose in the morning especially and where would they go? Why right over to either my backyard or her neighbor on the other side and scatter their piles about ever so freely. But, you can bet your bottom dollar if my kids and I had a dog and allowed ours to do those things -deposits freely left right in her yard lets say - you KNOW she'd have been majorly on the warpath with us, calling the dog law officer on us, whole nine yards. Funny how those things can change when it's their dog, their kid, their vehicle, etc., etc., being somewhat or very offensive isn't it?

    By Blogger Jeni, at 2:35 AM  

  • I don't have it as bad as you James.

    I've got the "there goes the neighborhood" cranks, the people who let their kids ride their bikes in the yard and scratch my car with their handlebars, I've got the OCD couple who put tiny bags of poop on the curb as not to soil their garbage can and the batchelors who let their yard grow until they can harvest it as hay.

    By Blogger Hammer, at 6:09 AM  

  • Great article on the triangle. I have had my share of problem neighbors as well. Luckily, the ones I have now, are by far the least problematic. I couldn't ask for it to be much quieter. Hmmmmm, I wonder if that means EYE am the loud obnoxious one on the block? Doh!


    By Blogger briliantdonkey, at 10:05 AM  

  • Gross.

    OK, I've had REALLY bad neighbors. As in, cops-called-almost-every-night possibly meth-cooking neighbors.

    But nothing like that — that I know of.

    Still, did the article have to list all of those links? Isn't that really just offering free publicity to the sites?

    By Blogger thirdworstpoetinthegalaxy, at 11:10 AM  

  • I guess you have it pretty good compared to the people who live next to the porn house.

    To be honest, I have it pretty good too. I've been pretty lucky as far as neighbors go.

    By Blogger GrizzBabe, at 11:10 AM  

  • I always worry that *I'm* one of the bad neighbors! Do people hear me walking around upstairs? Do they hear my garbage disposal?

    Do there hear me when I....erm....have company?

    It's enough to make a person paranoid.

    By Blogger SWF42, at 12:04 PM  

  • While living in an apt complex once I had a neighbor who drove a Harley. He would come rolling in every night at around 3 am after a night of pillaging and plundering and sit right under my bedroom window on that thing for 10 mins before shutting it off.

    So, when I moved out I borrowed a friends really loud truck. I cranked it up at 5:30 am right outside his bedroom window (he was on the ground floor and I was upstairs) and really revved it up.

    That felt good. LOL

    By Blogger Jay, at 12:29 PM  

  • That was a great article James, the end really shocked me. I live in a neighborhood that has drug AND sex offender problems, so I can understand your beef with your neighbors. The neighbor behind me, who is clean and actually my favorite of the lot because he's helpful, rides his dirt bike in circles around and around his yard on the weekends. It drives me bat-shit.

    Will you be doing a follow-up on the Triangle, sometime in the future? I thought the story of the pastor who went from buying drugs there to running a church was really interesting.

    By Blogger fiwa, at 1:07 PM  

  • and I thought the kids poking a hole in the above ground swimming pool in the yard behind mine was proof the family emigrated from Noble County, Ohio...

    I now see we merely have neighbors from Meigs County and yours are from Noble County...


    By Blogger dennis, at 1:55 PM  

  • You poor thing. I HATE crotch rockets. let's ban 'em all.

    And to answer your article question, no I never received it. =)

    By Blogger Christina_the_wench, at 2:33 PM  

  • I used to live next door to a couple that would have "headboard banging against the wall" sex every night. Unfortunately, it was the wall behind me that they were banging against. I knew when the chick was on her period because it was the only 5 days out of each month that there was no pounding (no pun intended).

    By Blogger Balou, at 6:50 PM  

  • The guys in the article are pretty gross, but I wonder why the neighors are upset over they peek in the windows and get offended?

    By Blogger Hammer, at 7:27 PM  

  • You can use Thanks a bunch, James.

    By Blogger Christina_the_wench, at 9:29 PM  

  • Don't you wish we could dole out strikes for bad neighbors the way that many criminal courts do, and then when certain households acquire enough strikes we can ban them to a pre-ordained neighborhood where they can annoy each other?

    By Blogger Queen of Dysfunction, at 11:46 PM  

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