The last thing I needed to see
I'm not as bad as Seinfeld. If I had a neighbor who'd prepared me a salad in his shower, I'd spit it out too. Same goes for a toothbrush I'd dropped in the toilet. Fans of the show will get those examples.
And I do have a dog, whom I'm required to clean up after on walks. And I do tons of yard work. So I can handle dirty things.
Germs though? Don't get me started. If you feel the need to laugh at me, take a moment and read this old post.
Anyway, I opened up my work email account and saw this in the subject line of a new message: "Shoes are full of feces..."
I did not need to see that. Sure, it's common sense that we pick up things from the sidewalk, but I don't want to know what. It's better if I don't know. My germ semi-phobia is definitely at least that sensitive.
Your first instinct may be to say the message was spam. But we have the kinds of email filters here that probably rival those in government offices. So almost all my messages, even those with weird subjects, are legitimate. This was no instance like the widow of the late Gen. Motumbo offering me access to his fortune in exchange for my checking account number and a small fee.
The email went on to say that a new study by the University of Arizona and Rockport Company found that 96% of shoes have coliform and E. coli bacteria on them. If you'd like to see a scientist's version of poop humor, check out the study's two minute video, which follows a pair of feet/Rockports around New York City for a day.
I get that this was a clever way for Rockport to market their shoes, but unless Rockports come with built in hovercraft, then they're no safer than any other shoes.
So I'll be heading home early today to gather all my shoes in the backyard and have a bonfire. In fact, I may burn my feet too. And at a minimum, I'm calling a man of the cloth to come over and exorcise the floors.
Shoes are nasty.