Boycotting Bluetooth, sort of

For the record, I like Bluetooth technology.

I've loved my wireless cell phone headset from day one. Granted, I'm using a wired headset for now, 'cause I haven't seen my Bluetooth in months (probably vacuumed it up, accidentally, or something). But I love the technology nonetheless.

So I was watching the Boondocks last night on Cartoon Network. And while I often cite moments from 'toons like the Boondocks and South Park, I'd never suggest we build our personal moral platforms off the plot of a cartoon. Still, I think I'm gonna conduct a personal experiment based on something I saw on the show last night.

Two wealthy morons were sneaking around in combat gear, burglarizing homes in a high end neighborhood in the fictional Chicago suburb of Woodcrest. While one of them barked instructions and tried to engage the other in conversation as they drove to their crime scenes, the other kept saying bizarre things. Each time the first burglar was baffled for a moment till he realized the other guy wasn't talking back to him. The other guy was talking to a girlfriend on his Bluetooth headset that guy #1 couldn't see.

So for most of the episode, burglar #1 lectured burglar #2 on the "evils" of almost-invisible headsets for phones.

And you know what? He had a point. He argued that the reason we hold phones up to our heads is to let other people know we're busy. In fact, it's how phones were designed. But his logic was sound.

Holding a phone - excluding the 1980s lunchbox-sized cell phones that caused brain tumors and shrank testicles - up to your ear, tells everyone around you that your time, for the moment, is occupied.

It is a preemptive strike against interruptions. People are less likely to approach you and break into your conversation, if they see you're on the phone.

It is also a safeguard against angry reactions to any dumb thing you might say into your phone. Say something stupid into a Bluetooth headset, and you might get smacked by the person standing closest to you on your other side. Say something stupid into a handheld phone, and the worst you'll get is a harsh look.

Plus, there's something about holding a phone that demonstrates the person on the other end has your full attention. Free your hands by way of a headset while you're on the phone, and tell me with a straight face that in less than a minute you're not already using both hands to fiddle with something else that diverts some of your attention from the person you're talking to.

Since rude interruptions, lack of clarity, and divided attention are three of my biggest pet peeves, then for the foreseeable future (until I can't stave off hypocrisy any longer), I am going to hold my phone to the side of my head...and hope that nothing inside my skull or my shorts shrinks or glows as a result of my dedication to civility.

UPDATE: I forgot one exception. If I absolutely have to take or make a call while I'm driving, I'll use my headset.

Who comes up with this stuff?

Honestly, who here has heard of "iPod oblivion?" And I mean heard of it before the last day or two.

I'm gonna bet no one, 'cause it's another made up "ailment" or "bad" mental, or psyche condition created by knuckleheads who feel a need to explain away temporary stupidity on medical-like terms - sorta like road rage, computer rage, and air rage, to name a few. So anywhere you get angry these days that location gets a formal rage label. And you have a criminal defense. Or any stupid thing you do gets a formal label, so you can write off your behavior as not being your fault.

According to the New York Daily News "iO" is "the zoned-out state of the earbud-wearing generation."

Anyway, I'm ranting 'cause a state legislator in New York wants to pass law that makes it a ticketable offense to listen to your iPod or use other electronic hand-held stuff like cell phones and PDAs while walking across a street.

Pedestrians caught using this stuff while crossing a street would be subject to $100 fines.

Now, I'm all for restricting people on cell phones while driving in certain areas, like school zones and the strip of road in front of the emergency room entrance at a hospital. Or at least make folks be on head sets in certain zones so they can keep both hands on the wheel and both eyes on the road.

But restrictions while walking? That's a little too Big Brotherish for me.

Anyone who's smart enough to use any one of the gadgets mentioned is smart enough to not get hit by a car.

And if anyone is dumb enough to step into traffic and not look both ways, well, isn't that just evidence of some kind of natural selection?

Another sign of graying

I just got a new cell phone and all I've done is make calls with it and set up the email system.

Trust me. That is significant. My wife believes it's a sign that I'm finally maturing in the tech/toy arena.

There was a time not so long ago after purchasing a new cell phone that I would have immediately gone online and found stupid ringers to download - some stupid tune (on my last phone, the first thing I did was download Eye of the Tiger - I know, I'm a dork), or the voices of Homer Simpson or Stewie Griffin.

There was the Isley Brothers' "Between the Sheets (or the Notorious B.I.G.'s "Big Poppa, depends on who's listening), and Ludacris' "Roll Out." Some song by Aerosmith - can't remember which. I even had Timmy from South Park saying "Timmy!"

But I have grown up. When my new toy got charged up the other day, I learned how to use it...and that's all. Now when it rings, it's the stupid Cingular corporate tone. But you know what? I'm too old to care.