Two Things

Busy, busy, busy morning folks. But if you'd like a little reading material, here is the column I wrote for today's Style section on how to "properly" buy clothes for your dad for Father's Day.

Also, I think we can agree the D.C. pants judge has issues. If you hadn't heard, he broke down crying in the courtroom yesterday when discussing the pants for which he has sued his old dry cleaners for $54 million. Now, don't get me wrong. This guy is a tool. This dry cleaning couple run a mom 'n pop operation. They sound like nice old people. They mean well, etc. Occasionally the misplace or outright lose items, but what dry cleaners doesn't from time to time. Easy for me to say, of course, because they haven't lost my stuff.

So to rehash, Judge Pearson originally sued the cleaners for around $65 million, because they lost the pants to his new suit when he needed them most - he planned to wear that suit to a new job. He distrusted them so after that incident even though they found the pants a week later - that he determined, based on an obscure D.C. law, that he was entitled to millions for the inconvenience, because he would have to find a new dry cleaners, and so on and so forth.

He has since amended his suit for the "lower" amount and changed its focus to alleged fraud on the part of the dry cleaners for posting signs in their windows that said "Satisfaction Guaranteed" and "Same Day Service." Clearly Judge Pearson was not satisfied. Nor did he get his pants back the same day.

However, while I won't defend Judge Pearson for his outrageous lawsuit, one thing bothers me about the dry cleaner's defense. At a news conference yesterday, one of their attorneys, Chris Manning, said this: "This case is very simple. It's about one sign and the plaintiff's outlandish interpretation."

There was a time in this country where "satisfaction guaranteed" was a badge of honor for the small business person who knew his product or service was great. It was a bragging point. Now, according to this attorney, taking that sign and the "same day service" sign literally is an "outlandish interpretation?"

Have our expectations for good service - or at least promised service - gotten so low?

This strikes me as one of those I-didn't-say-that moments. Remember when Charles Barkley wrote an autobiography a few years ago and had some controversial statement in there? When asked about it, he answered "I was misquoted." They were his words! How do you misquote yourself?

Again, Judge Pearson is a jerk for abusing the system and suing these poor folks over pants that they found (plus they offered to give him a few grand for the hassle). But the cleaners can't be let off the hook either for making shallow promises. Ironically, they've since removed the signs.

Saturday Roundup

OK, I can admit that I contributed to the stupid media frenzy about that skank-arsed jailbird out in Cali we've all been obsessing over.

But all jokes aside, the Miami Herald crime reporter's blog offers a jaw-dropping - or what should be jaw dropping - example of broadcast media - 'cause like it or not cable news networks do tend to be more in-your-face over "prominent" people news - having seriously messed up priorities. Click on the link. But in case you don't feel like it, here's the abbreviated version: A young, recent college grad, aiming to start a career in law enforcement or as an attorney, by all accounts a nice person with socially-redeeming qualities, has been missing in Miami since Memorial Day weekend. Authorities fear foul play. One cable news network invited two Herald reporters on to talk about the case and spread the word in case anyone was a witness to whatever happened to her. In both cases, the network canceled the interview at the last second 'cause they wanted to dedicate virtually every second of their air time to news about that celebutant jailbird. Anyway, click the link. It's a more thorough explanation.

And speaking of abuse of the law, that numbnut attorney/admin judge in Washington D.C. has decided to no longer sue his former dry cleaner for $65 million for losing his pants and apparently scarring him for life...He has reduced the amount of his suit to $54 million, saying now his suit is focused on fraud by the dry cleaner for posting signs guaranteeing satisfaction to customers.

In less serious news, here is my article from today's paper.

Pop quiz: are we hypocrites or not? That's too vague. How's this - are you a fan of The Sopranos? I am. I'm a huge fan. OK, now this - do you find gangsta rap, which thrives on rhyming about street grime and street crime as folklore, to be distasteful? I do. It disgusts me that anyone would sing/rap about robberies, cons, drug deals gone bad, strippers, murders, prostitution, and so on, and call it just entertainment and defend it as musical poetry chronicling what really happens in depressed communities. And yet, in this final season of the show I have really been into from its first year, I have witnessed at least five murders and not been fazed by them. I have watched strippers (on the show) do their thing and not been fazed by it. I have watched violent assaults and thefts take place and have not been fazed by them. I have watched drug use and not blinked an eye. Why? Because I found each episode of the show entertaining. So if the same negative elements are "described" through lyrics/dialogue and verbal/visual imagery in each forum - premium cable television and commercial music production - why is one more acceptable as entertainment and the other slammed as an irresponsible use of the air waves? In theory aren't they both "outrageous?" I admit it. I am a hypocrite.

Finally, if you're bored or need a laugh you can watch me on TV. I was a panelist Friday night on Issues, a current events round table show WPBT Channel 2, the PBS affiliate station, here in the Miami area. It re-runs Sunday at 12:30 in the afternoon, but why wait? Click the link above and then click the link on the upper righthand side of the page that says "Watch last week's program." It's a 30 minute show. The round table is the second segment - starts about 14 minutes and 50 seconds in. Enjoy. Or if you don't, don't tell me. I'm very sensitive about my shiny nose and funny voice.

OK, that's all for me, at least for this afternoon. I have a pond to clean and a lawn to maintain.

Peace and hair grease.