WTMI

Yes, that stands for waaaaaaaay too much information.

As I write this, I've just finished reading up a fascinating academic/psych paper on what has been driving the new governor of New York, David Paterson, to confess to pretty much everything.

Since the day he took office to replace Eliot Spitzer, who resigned in disgrace because he couldn't explain what exactly he was getting from prostitutes for $4,300 a pop, Paterson has been singing like a canary. From what Matt has told us a good prostitute shouldn't cost more than $200. Definitely an abuse of funds on Spitzer's part.

You realize I'm kidding, right? I mean about why Spitzer resigned.

But I'm not kidding about Paterson. In the past two weeks we've learned that he has had multiple affairs on his wife...at a Day's Inn in Manhattan. And she confessed she's had multiple affairs on him - though at what hotel is unclear. We've learned that Paterson has smoked weed. Eh. So have most of my friends and most of our parents...except mine. We've learned that Paterson has done coke. Hmmm.

A news conference is scheduled for noon today, in which Paterson will admit he once bit the head off a kitten, pulled the skin off a bucket of KFC thighs and wings and then put 'em all back in the bucket for other unsuspecting picnickers, and that he once joined Kenny McCormick in smoking dried cat pee.

Seriously, I believe the old adage that the truth shall set you free. It makes sense. Telling lies and keeping secrets is stressful. Admitting you, all of you, is like unsnapping a girdle, not that I've ever worn one.

Kudos to Paterson for admitting that he too is a flawed person and for clarifying that he hasn't engaged in reckless behavior in recent years, so his past moral lapses shouldn't affect his ability to govern.

But I'm not sure we needed to know all of that.

I have another adage for you: It's the thought the counts. Unless this guy has committed murder or some other violent felony in his past and has "forgotten" to tell people, frankly, I don't want to know anymore about what he's done outside of his office.

There is a caveat: Apparently there is some question as to whether Paterson used campaign funds for his personal romps back in the day. If he did, punish him and send him to Spitzer Island, which soon could have bars and barbed-wire around it.

Otherwise, I'm satisfied that this guy is willing to share his flaws. It's the thought that counts. Now, it's time for him to learn to keep it to himself...in more ways than one.

Who are you?

I am sure we have all wanted to be someone else, or something else. I think it's natural. The whole other-side-of-the-fence thing, you know?

This story is a little weird though. It's both messed up and sad. If you're not inclined to click the link, the story is about an 83-year-old Florida man who died recently. His obituary listed the guy as having been a Major League Baseball player in his younger days. For more than two decades he told that story to his third wife, his friends and neighbors, his in-laws. And everyone believed him, 'cause when he was younger there had been a pro baseballer that shared this guy's first and last name. Their ages were different. But whenever anyone brought that up he always explained it away by saying he'd lied about his age when he was younger. So this guy died last .. and the real ball player, who is alive and well in Texas, was contacted about his supposed death. And the lie was exposed.

So my question is how do you get so caught up in your fantasy that you actually start telling people you really did live it? I feel for this guy's family. They believed the hype. In a twisted way I feel for him, but....

I don't know. When I was seven or eight, I wanted to be a teenager. But it never occurred to me to go around telling people I was already a teen. When I was a teen I wanted to be 20-something. I also wanted to be a Lothario. OK, I did lie about that sometimes back in the day. At one point in high school I wanted to be a pilot, a federal agent, and an attorney, in that order. Later in college the federal agent thing came up again. But as a general rule it never occurred to me to just start telling folks that I was any one of those things. I say as a general rule, because between the ages of 16 and 20 I'm pretty sure I regularly lied to girls and young women about who/what I was. Seriously, I considered each lie an investment that might possibly "earn" me a laundry list of good things, ranging from a peek, to a squeeze, to a kiss, to something more. So, at various points in that five year window I was an underwear model, a Kung Fu master, a trust fund baby (whose nicer car was in the shop), a dark-skinned Native American (don't ask why; it was a "trendy" thing to lie/brag about in the early '90s), a graduate assistant instructor, and a foreign exchange student (from the West Indies).

Anyway, I got sidetracked. My point is I really seriously want to know if there has ever been anything you wanted to be badly enough that you were willing to incorporate it into your biography?

Again, if I'm the only person who lied to get romance as a younger person, so be it. But that stuff ended when my common sense finally started to gel in my early 20s.

Would you BS your family, friends, co-workers neighbors about your background? Hopefully you wouldn't. But if your answer is yes, I gotta know why.