As I write this, I've just finished reading up a fascinating academic/psych paper on what has been driving the new governor of New York, David Paterson, to confess to pretty much everything.
Since the day he took office to replace Eliot Spitzer, who resigned in disgrace because he couldn't explain what exactly he was getting from prostitutes for $4,300 a pop, Paterson has been singing like a canary. From what Matt has told us a good prostitute shouldn't cost more than $200. Definitely an abuse of funds on Spitzer's part.
You realize I'm kidding, right? I mean about why Spitzer resigned.
But I'm not kidding about Paterson. In the past two weeks we've learned that he has had multiple affairs on his wife...at a Day's Inn in Manhattan. And she confessed she's had multiple affairs on him - though at what hotel is unclear. We've learned that Paterson has smoked weed. Eh. So have most of my friends and most of our parents...except mine. We've learned that Paterson has done coke. Hmmm.
A news conference is scheduled for noon today, in which Paterson will admit he once bit the head off a kitten, pulled the skin off a bucket of KFC thighs and wings and then put 'em all back in the bucket for other unsuspecting picnickers, and that he once joined Kenny McCormick in smoking dried cat pee.
Seriously, I believe the old adage that the truth shall set you free. It makes sense. Telling lies and keeping secrets is stressful. Admitting you, all of you, is like unsnapping a girdle, not that I've ever worn one.
Kudos to Paterson for admitting that he too is a flawed person and for clarifying that he hasn't engaged in reckless behavior in recent years, so his past moral lapses shouldn't affect his ability to govern.
But I'm not sure we needed to know all of that.
I have another adage for you: It's the thought the counts. Unless this guy has committed murder or some other violent felony in his past and has "forgotten" to tell people, frankly, I don't want to know anymore about what he's done outside of his office.
There is a caveat: Apparently there is some question as to whether Paterson used campaign funds for his personal romps back in the day. If he did, punish him and send him to Spitzer Island, which soon could have bars and barbed-wire around it.
Otherwise, I'm satisfied that this guy is willing to share his flaws. It's the thought that counts. Now, it's time for him to learn to keep it to himself...in more ways than one.