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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Heat Beef

First, my disclaimer: Again, I love the Heat! Great team, great effort, great display of team basketball in winning the NBA title. An A+ all around. Say it with me, Pimp Pimp Hooray for the Heat!

So, onto my beef. I hear so many parents griping about their kids growing too quickly. Their clothes are too grown, their attitudes are too grown. Their vocabulary is too grown. It ain't new. When I was a kid, I remember my folks and aunts, and uncles, and neighbors, etc., specifically using the words "grown," and "fresh" in reference to the growing-up-to-fast gripe.

But that type of complaint seems to mean less nowadays. It seems to be all talk.

Case in point: Last Sunday night I had to attend the Heat game at the American Airlines Arena in Miami to write a short story for my employer, The Miami Herald, on which celebs, if any, were in attendance and what they were up to. I know, groundbreaking journalism. Ha ha, I've heard all the jokes. But if you want to take another shot at me, feel free. Hey, every reporter occasionally writes a little light-hearted fare.

Anywho, as I'm wandering around the AAA shortly before the game started I was soaking up the energy and checking out the fans. There were the cute 20something women waving at themselves on the big screen, the insane 20something guys with painted faces, waving at the cameras and begging to be shown on the big screen, and the families whose kids were holding up homemade posters, hoping to land on the big screen.

Some of the signs were funny. But one jumped out at me. A little girl - about 10, 12 at the most - was captured on the big screen waving her poster. Get this. It read "Dwyane (as in Wade) Does Dallas!"

Ok, if you are over the age of 25, indulge in booze, and attended a typical college, you know what that play on words means.

Back in the day there was another, ahem, person whose name started with the letter "D." And she too did Dallas, but not like D. Wade. And she too was on camera, VHS to be exact.

I guarantee you the parents (or at least the dad) of the kid waving the sign knew the connection between the adult film, "Debbie Does Dallas" and the joke/play on words on their kid's poster.

And, as double standards go, they're probably parents who tell friends, family, etc., "I'd never let my daughter...."

It's possible mom and dad had no clue. But c'mon. What are the odds. Letting your little daughter hold up a sign spoofing a classic porn? That's triflin' to the 3rd power.

Parents don't complain about how grown your kids are and then plant seeds that could make 'em curious about things they have no business knowing about before a certain age.

PS. DON'T FORGET TO NOMINATE SOMEONE/SOMETHING FOR THE Weekly Behavior Awards. IF YOU DON'T KNOW, EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT WE OFFER KUDOS TO THE BEST BEHAVED (NICEST, MOST WELL-MANNERED, MOST CONSIDERATE) PERSON WE'VE SEEN IN ACTION OVER THE PAST WEEK OR SO. WE ALSO "ACKNOWLEDGE" THE BIGGEST BUM (AS IN A PERSON WE'VE OBSERVED BEHAVING REALLY BADLY, WITH LITTLE TO NO MANNERS OR CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS.)

4 Comments:

  • I would like to nominate Mr. Gordo (not his real name of course) for not honoring his friends dying wishes by removing shrimp and lamb chops from the menu, shortening the open bar time, and most of all, not allowing employees to come to his wake. I seriously can not imagine what horrible behavior could ever top that. As for good behavior, hmm. That's hard to come by.

    By Blogger Wide Lawns Subservient Worker, at 11:07 PM  

  • That movie was a porno? God, I never saw it, and I always thought it was about traveling through Texas.

    By Blogger Rune, at 6:02 PM  

  • Very funny, Rune. I was into road trips as a kid. I demand to know why my folks never showed me this one on family movie night.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 7:10 PM  

  • I'm nominating the woman who pointed out an empty clothes dryer to my roommate at the laundromat this morning. When everyone is there waiting and waiting, it's hot, it's loud, no one really wants to be there doing laundry... it's amazing how something so small and seemingly insignificant can really make an impression.

    By Blogger Melissa, at 8:50 PM  

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