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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Friday, June 30, 2006

Rusty Pipes or Good Laughs - Which Shall We Choose?

Here I was all set to post the Impromptu Up Yours With a Rusty Pipe Awards this evening, 'cause of all the knuckleheads I encountered while driving home from work this evening, but then I got a good laugh that tempered my newfound road rage.

I call it newfound, 'cause I didn't have it before moving to South Florida last October.

But we can still give the awards. Trust me. They are deserved.

First place goes to the guy in the brown minivan who cut me off on Biscayne - without using a turn signal, causing me to swerve to miss him and then gave me the single digit salute after I honked at 'im. That little handle on the side of your steering wheel isn't just there for decoration, buddy. Up yours with a rusty pipe.

Second place goes to the woman in the black Beemer SUV across from Aventura Mall, who screeched to a complete stop in the middle of fast flowing traffic, as she chatted on her cellphone. It appeared she was debating something with someone on the phone - directions maybe? But that's what the side of the road is for. Up yours with a rusty pipe, sister.

Third place, goes to the mouth-breathing cousin kisser on Hallandale Beach Blvd. who, as the light was turning yellow in the direction he wanted to walk, stepped out in front of traffic going my direction, giving us angry stares as he sloooooooooooooowly strolled across the street while our green light ticked away. Up yours with a rusty pipe, pal.

I finally made it home in one piece though, picked up my wife, ran an errand, and then we decided to stop over in downtown Hollywood for a quick pick me up.

While we sat at a sidewalk cafe sipping our beverages, we saw the strangest thing: a woman in stripper clothes gyrating outside a swanky restaurant. I'm not kidding. She was wearing so little she made pro sports team cheerleader outfits look like those neck-to-ankle Little House on the Prairie dresses.

I thought she might've been lost, like maybe the trail of breadcrumbs leading to the Old Strippers Home had ended in front of that restaurant or something.

I felt so bad, I was gonna go give her a $1 bill, but my wife didn't like that idea.

Anyway, she reminded me that we'd seen stripperish dancers on the sidewalk in front of this restaurant before. Apparently they dance in front of this particular restaurant often, presumably as a means to draw in undecided diners.

Maybe it's a South Florida thing, but that was crazy. A swanky restaurant in a nice part of town and instead of a menu, or a sample dish, or even enticing music wafting from indoors, this place has a stripper-like dancer bouncing on the sidewalk!

Only in South Florida. Hey, if it was good for nothing else that dance routine cracked me up. I wonder what the food in that place tastes like.


  • A "Beemer" is a motorcycle. Non-motorcycle BMWs (i.e. cars and SUVs) are called "Bimmers."

    By Blogger Cranky Puppy, at 3:11 PM  

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