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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, a hurricane!

Kidding. No hurricane yet. But according to every broadcast TV channel in the Southeast and every cable and satellite news channel in the continental United States a storm is coming our way.

His name is Chris and he could be touching South Florida by the weekend. Right now he's still a tropical storm. But it appears soon he'll be a hurricane.

So come Saturday or Sunday if you see your neighbors running around like chickens w/their heads cut off, and the trees nearby start bending to one side and all the pets crawl under your house or apartment building and all the birds (even the frickin' penguins and emus) fly away, then you should probably go buy a flashlight and some batteries, and water - several gallons of it. And if you only have enough cash for a carton of cigs or a water and light? Well, I'll leave that one up to you. And on the serious tip, if you don't have cash for water, then scrub your bathtub, rinse it out thoroughly, put the stopper in it and fill it up with water. And if things look even worse outside, be the storm whisperer and screw the water and light. Take your few bucks and jump on the first train out of town and don't look back till after the storm.

And for love of good sense, do not wait for FEMA.

So if you are prone to ignore these type warnings, pay attention to this one, 'cause if you live in my 'hood and you act like you don't care before the storm don't come knockin' on my door asking for a bottle of water or a spare light. Like Elaine and her sponges, and come to think of it her toilet paper, I won't have one square to spare.

3 Comments:

  • Happy battening (down), James. It (probably, we all hope) won't be nearly as bad as Katrina.

    But having seen Katrina last year, maybe it won't get ignored either?

    By Anonymous Bronchitikat, at 7:36 AM  

  • Good advice. Hope you won't need it.

    aj

    By Anonymous aboutblank, at 9:43 AM  

  • Loved this one!
    We lucked out this time but there's one more thing to remember-the shutters go up when the hurricane warning is issued, NOT when the storm's starting to come on-shore(one that one neighbor has YET to figure out!)

    By Anonymous dogncatmom, at 10:09 AM  

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