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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

From the Dumb Dumb Files

"Caught red-handed" took on a whole new meaning today as my old paper, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, reported that National Basketball Association veteran Latrell Sprewell was questioned by Milwaukee police this morning for allegedly choking a woman with whom he was copulating on his yacht, Milwaukee's Best. The article suggests the neck hug was part of Spre's repertoire.

Let us pause for a moment, while I give my disclaimer: Sexual Assault is not funny. And in and of itself, neither is choking someone.

But if you're wondering about the whole "red-handed" thing, you should know that several years back Sprewell was suspended from the NBA for grabbing his then coach P.J. Carlesimo around the neck with both hands and choking the man. Bad Burnettiquette. I would never choke my editor if he pissed me off. We reporters learn early in our careers that asphyxiation is not the answer. If your editor bugs you, just talk about him behind his back.

So I closed my eyes to imagine I was the fly on the wall of Milwaukee's Best. And here's what I heard: "Hmmm. I have gained infamy for redefining 'choking' in the sporting world. And after having been deemed for the rest of my life Strangly McChoker, I think I will work that nickname - literally - into my romantic routine. No way that could come back and bite me in the can."

Let us hope that next week we don't hear about OJ getting into a knife fight.

9 Comments:

  • Talk about an asphyxiation fetish!

    By Blogger Tere, at 9:06 PM  

  • Bwahaha. Bad Burnettiquette indeed!

    Keep up the good work!

    By Anonymous phil, at 10:48 PM  

  • The reason why you got rude treatment is posted below. You are right downtown Indy is beautiful with the monumnet in the middle. And the circle center mall, bars, etc, etc.

    However, during the Black Expo thousands of unruly black youths come from all over the nation and mar the image of the blacks there. They are almost never the blacks from the city itself.

    Remember when Mike Tyson was arrested for rape in Indianapolis. Well, it was during the Black Expo. You can google to confirm it. Nevetheless, i suspect that any rude treatment to you may have been a result of lingering outrage at the shootings last month. Unfair as it may be.

    http://advanceindiana.blogspot.com/2006/07/indiana-black-expo-disrupted-by-two.html

    By Anonymous gv, at 8:55 PM  

  • 'with whom he was copulating with' just says it all ... !

    By Blogger Manola Blablablanik, at 9:33 PM  

  • GV, are you kidding me? Let me get this straight. You're comparing a gathering of (mostly) college-educated professional journalists, who spent a ton of money in your city, to a gathering of teenagers and no doubt early 20somethings. What is it with folks? You think 'cause members of both groups were black that people in Indy drew some correlation? Pissed off as I was I have to give them more credit than that. I have a few gray hairs. No one was gonna mistake my buddies and me for unruly teens, unless unruly teens walked around downtown Indy during the Expo wearing biz suits.

    If you're right, and the dummies we bumped into were holding a grudge against us 'cause we too were black, then that place was worse off than I thought. Somehow though, I don't think the Black Expo for teens/20somethings had anything to do with it.

    This is the most bizarre explanation I've gotten.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 9:48 PM  

  • You know, human sexuality is such a weird, bizarre, mysterious thing. How the hell can someone get off on ether choking someone or being choked? I'm guessing the lady in question just wouldn't stop moving around and he felt he needed to "restrain" her. Sounds like a real sensitive type. Thinks allot about the other person. A prince of a guy.

    NOT!

    By Blogger Fathairybastard, at 11:19 PM  

  • FHB, in cases of erotic asphyxiation the turn-on is not usally the act of choking (although that is a turn-on for the BDSM crowd), but rather the loss of oxygen to the brain which causes blackout and an increased euphoric state coupled with the orgasmic euphoria. That Mr. Sprewell has been charged with an assault means that his sex partner was either 1) unaware of the enhancment he was trying to provide her with a proper sex choking or 2) aware, but came and found she was still being choked after the sex was over. (I say this because the story didn't make like they were fighting and he choked her out of anger, although he may have choked her too angrily during sex). Obviously, the parties did not discuss each other's level of comfort with choking or the level of intensity with which it would be done if they both wanted it.

    Just as an aside--erotic asphyxiation is usually a kink you introduce after your 3rd sexual encounter--it is not within the normal one night stand repertoire of oral, missionary, and doggy style (in that order). In that respect you could consider it a little past anal, but not as far as "real" kink (fisting, bukakke, showering, the gimp, etc.)

    By Anonymous Big Daddy, at 10:02 AM  

  • BD, I don't think he's been charged yet. On Wednesday when I wrote this post, he had just been questioned by police. Interestingly enough, after she fled the boat, the woman with whom Sprewell was having chokey, reportedly waited for him on shore so he could give her a ride home.

    But I must say BD, awfully curious that you know so much about choking. Something we're not getting about you? I'll bet you have a garage full of whips and chains.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 10:54 AM  

  • My bad, JB, the story I read made it seem as if charges were imminent. I need to read it again. In that case, I would say it is #2--she wanted to get choked, but it got good to him and he didn't stop after she was sexed. And I'm sure the sight of Spree w/ the wild eyes, cornrow braids, and Busta Ryhmes dungeon dragon nose attached by two hands to her neck after she tapped out "uncle" didn't make her feel safe and sexy. Which is what you should always feel in those moments where your sex play turns agressive and rough.

    And no, there aren't any contraptions in my garage. My lady keeps them at her condo. And everybody should invest in a little spice to add to their sex life. That way you won't feel the need to choke a b*tch out on your $500,000 boat.

    By Anonymous Big Daddy, at 1:27 PM  

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