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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Friday, February 23, 2007

One More Day/Act of War

So I'm co-hosting my in-laws for one more day. They're headed back up north Saturday night and I'll be back to my regular schedule.

In the mean time, I am washing my eyes out with soap, harsh soap.

Just a short while ago I got home from Hollywood Beach (just north of Miami, for you northerners) where I witnessed an unforgivable act of foreign aggression: humongous old Canadian guys in Speedos.

They were everywhere. They were sproutin' out of the sand like palm trees. I consider that sort of misappropriation of loin cloth to be tantamount to firing a shot over your enemy's bow.

Why, men, must you wear garments that only hot, skinny women should wear? It ain't right.

And least anyone accuse me of being anti-Great White North - I'm not, though I admit I did enjoy South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut - you should know that if these guys had been fat, old, American men in Speedos, I'd have posted about an unforgivable act of domestic terrorism.

Put your dang pants or normal man-shorts on guys. No one other than your wife or the widow in the condo next door to you wants to see your goody bag or even an outline of it.

OK, I'm off to do the final barbecue.

Peace and hair grease till tomorrow.

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  • You should see Alcapulco and Cancun, the European men on the beaches look like they have halloween monster wigs shoved into their speedos.

    By Blogger Hammer, at 7:41 PM  

  • Hey, be glad they wore THAT. Maybe their normal turf (surf?) is nude Canadian beaches.

    By Anonymous The Sarcasticynic, at 8:27 PM  

  • AGH!! Flashback!!! Sarcasticynic is right-one time I saw this nasty old guy on the beach playing paddleball, wearing a speedo, but his ball were OUT! eeeew!!

    By Blogger Claudia, at 8:50 PM  

  • If there really were a God those fat old men in Speedo's would have been struck by lightening. Sorry about your eyes.

    By Blogger wordsonwater, at 9:50 PM  

  • It is always the people you don't want to see scantily clad who go around scantily clad. ICK!

    By Blogger Dayngr, at 1:21 AM  

  • I'm curious as to how you knew they were canadians?

    Were they wearing maple leafs instead of fig leafs?

    By Blogger Pamela, at 11:14 PM  

  • Thanks for "sharing" my pain, all.

    Sarc, and Claudia, thanks for burning another disturbing image into my skull.

    Pamela, they were speaking French and their beach umbrellas had the red/white maple leaf designs on 'em. Hollywood, FL is a huge seasonal destination spot for Snowbird Canadians.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 6:44 PM  

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