Monday Quick Hits
Greetings sports fans. Long weekend, but good weekend. I'm sad it's over. But I did have fun, gain a few insights and stumble across a few life mysteries.
- First, Mardis Gras -After a day of grueling yard work and koi pond rehab on Saturday, Mrs. B and I strolled a few blocks to our fair city's downtown for the Mardis Gras parade and festival. It was a lot of fun. It wasn't New Orleans or Bourbon St. But I've done Mardis Gras in New Orleans and frankly Saturday I did not miss the stank smell of presumably human urine and vomit, or the sight of awkward, equally smelly back alley sex. If you have a younger teenage child or a sense of humor or you're cooler than the other side of the pillow like me, or all of the above, you'll appreciate this next point. Best moment of the night for me was when the South Broward High School marching band in full band uniforms on a warm evening, stopped in the middle of their stellar performance to do an abbreviated version of the Superman dance. Hilarious.
- Moving right along to colored eyeball contacts - You know how I quoted the coach from Teen Wolf the other day saying never play cards with a man whose first name is the same as a city? Well, I've always had a similar distrust for anyone who wears colored contacts on any day of the year that isn't Halloween. Over the past couple of weeks I've made several short runs to a supply store near my house to get repair materials. One of the employees was especially helpful, but a little too eager, even offering to come over to our house to help, since he lived nearby. Mrs. B thought that was weird. I did too, but I guess Iwasn't completely alarmed. And then we went to the supply store Saturday morning and this dude had translucent blue eyes....He didn't have them before. I know this makes me nuts. But only after seeing the eyeball change did I deem this guy completely untrustworthy. If I can't even look you in the eyes and see your eyes, what else about you am I not seeing? The only reason for a guy to wear colored contacts on any night that isn't Halloween is that he's moonlighting as a stripper or a Man-Ho.
- Super Bowl - I'd say I'm sad for the Patriots, but I'm not. Sure, the New York Giants defense beat Tom Brady like he stole something. But if I was a New England Patriot just waking up feeling bummed out this morning, I'd immediately stroll to my wall safe, remove a few dozen $1,000 bills, microwave them to make them soft and warm and then dry my tears with them and bathe in them. And then I'd create a new sports-related award like the Pimpin' Ain't Easy trophy and give it to myself and declare that the trophy ceremony has to take place in a beach-side villa in Tahiti.
- Super Bowl ads - Hands down, in my humble opinion, the funniest ad was the Doritos commercial where a guy in a fancy suit slices off the corner of a dorito with a knife, places the slice on a mouse trap, places the trap in front of a mouse hole, turns on some opera, grabs the bag of Doritos, pulls up a chair in front of the mouse hole, and sits and waits for the bait to be taken. Except a mouse doesn't come out of the hole. A giant mouse crashes through the wall and starts wailing on the suit guy.
Labels: quick hits