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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Saturday, May 27, 2006

I Got 'Em On The Run!!!

Forget Joan of Arc. I'm James of Bark. And I am on a spiritual mission! Since I first spotted the dirty weasel who let his dogs doo on my swale and then left the leavin's, I have:
  • Hit the cops with a description of that jerk and his two little loaf pinchers. Laugh if you want, but since I didn't know where he lived a description was the best we could do. Anyway, I know tracking down the dog poop bandit isn't a high crime priority. But they'll catch the guy eventually.
  • Spotted another neighbor who let his Pit Bull go in a third neighbor's yard, and hit the cops with his street address. They say they're gonna give him a verbal warning or ticket.
  • Taken a "citizen's report" on another dirty dog leavin's leaver and where that dirty dog leavin's leaver lives. She will be turned in too.

I am on to you biological litterbugs. And as long as I walk around in sandals, potentially exposing my feet to the "elements" that came out of your dog's behind, then I will be on a mission to rid the 'hood of you.

You haters may say I'm being a brat. Say that after you've had to tip-toe through grass in common areas of your 'hood or on parts of your lawn (or parts you don't own but are required by ordinance to maintain) because you have no idea where your more triflin' neighbors have let their pets go.

Keep walking your pooches. They need the exercise and deserve to get out of the house. But if you're in my neck of the woods and I see your dog squatting in a public/common area and you're not whippin' out a plastic bag like Quick Draw McGraw, look over your shoulder. I might be watching like Batman from 'round the corner - not in a weirdo stalker sort of way, of course. But if I spot you offending, as it were, I'm gonna call you out. I won't confront you, 'cause you might be a nut ball.

But I'll clown you on this blog and maybe hurt your feelings...maybe. I'm watchin'.


  • You go. Post pics of the offenders like they post pics of hooker marks.

    By Anonymous og, at 11:22 PM  

  • I see you in a cape being a masked bandit! Neighbors beware, or forever hold your dog's poop! :-)

    By Blogger Manola Blablablanik, at 1:27 AM  

  • Good for you, James.

    Meanwhile spare a thought for those, like my Mum, who have to put up with cats using their back gardens for similar purposes.

    Can't name & shame their owner, nor get back at them under city legislations for allowing their animals to foul your patch & leaving it there.

    About the only time she had relief from this 'menace' was when a neighbours' cat adopted her back garden as its 'own' territory and policed it itself. Cat's don't foul their own yards! Unfortunately this cat died some years back.

    By Anonymous Bronchitikat, at 10:03 AM  

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