Do you know what month it is?
This month, November, marks the 32nd anniversary of the very first Player's Ball, AKA the Pimp Academy Awards, the annual celebration of the most "successful" franchisees of what is supposed to be the world's oldest profession.
I always thought the world's oldest profession was farming, but hey, what do I know?
Anyway, the ball was originally hosted in Chicago, and for a few years even took place in Chi-town's neighbor to the north, Milwaukee, the upper Midwest apparently having been deemed the nexus of the Pimp Universe.
And while we can all agree that pimpin' makes for very bad Burnettiquette (and a crime, and a stain on civil society), if you have a sense of humor at all you also have to agree that pimps make some of the funniest movie characters. They - at least the ones who appear in music videos - come up with some of the best one-liners. And in a twisted sort of way, guys admire 'em the way you admire the bearded lady in the circus - freakish but interesting enough to stare at.
Besides, language has been so hijacked by different cultural trends that "pimp" no longer just means flesh peddler. If you're a dude and you're friends call you "pimpish" they're telling you your clothes and style are nice. If you watch MTV you know that customizing your car is getting your ride "pimped."
So let us all give the old college cheer - Pimp, Pimp, Hooray! - and understand that without pimps we would not have money green suits, gator shoes, or tricked out canes, AKA pimp sticks.
And if you remember, at some point this month spend an afternoon referring to yourself in the third person.
If grammar wasn't your strong suit back in the day, what I mean is don't say "I like kittens." Instead, do say "[Your name here] loves kittens."
And if your grammar and Pimplish are strong, then you wouldn't even say "I" or "[Your name here]." You'd say "My bad self loves kittens."
Try it with me. My bad self is done blogging for the evening. There, that wasn't so hard.
So go in peace, and remember, according to the experts, pimpin' ain't easy.