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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Monday, May 29, 2006

The Get a Room Report!!!

As I sit here on my porch writing this, there's a couple sitting in a giant green double-cab pickup truck that stopped outside of my house, so a back seat passenger could run to a neighbor's house. And while they wait for the passenger, I swear the couple is gettin' it on in the front seat of the truck!!! I kid you not. My wife sees 'em too. In fact she's getting up and walking inside the house right now, because "these people are nasty," she says. I agree.

It's been about 30 seconds.

I will not describe the manner in which they're gettin' it on, 'cause this is a PG-13 blog. But suffice it to say this would go well with a '70s era instrumental soundtrack of organ (no pun intended), drums, and a little electric guitar...along with furniture that includes a polyester blend plaid couch.

Two minutes.

I wanna go spray 'em with the hose to break it up.

Three minutes.

C'mon, people. Love is a beautiful thing, but not for an unwilling audience. Teach your kids the time-and-a-place rule, 'cause doing what they're doing in the front seat of a pick-up in broad daylight ain't right. It's triflin'!

Update: About four minutes have passed. They stopped a few seconds ago. Man, that was quick. Now he's getting out of the truck to join the passenger in my neighbor's front yard. And she's lighting a cigarette! LOL. Trust me. I wish I had a good enough imagination to make this stuff up.

Both men are walking back to the truck. They're leaving now.

Tsk, tsk, ya dirty dogs. Hope whoever drives that truck after you has a can of Lysol handy.


  • Ick.

    By Anonymous Freddie, at 10:58 AM  

  • Between the weasel's dog and now this, boy your front lawn is a drama magnet! :-)

    By Blogger Manola Blablablanik, at 11:04 AM  

  • Not my lawn, Manola. This time it was a neighbor across the street. If they'd been on my lawn I would have sprayed them with the garden hose.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 3:18 PM  

  • Oh ... I misread ... nonetheless, how very rude ... I wish you could've hosed them down. Talk about cooling off!

    Coincidentally, a post that I finally put together today deals with behavior and manners. There was a couple doing you know what on the sidewalk, literally. I think they trump the one in the car. Still, not bad to have a hose handy!

    By Blogger Manola Blablablanik, at 6:59 PM  

  • Sounds like you missed a golden opportunity to take a stand. You should have taken out your video camera and made an amateuer erotic videos (or pornos of the people, as they are called in common parlance) that included good face shots and shots of the house and street. I think there is a premium on EBay for voyeur shoots of vehicle fetishists. Zoom shots and camera angles are important in those matters. It sounds like they were so involved, they wouldn't have noticed you right on top of them filming away.

    You could have then copied the license tag number of the truck, used your contacts at the newspaper to shag down the address and phone number of the driver. With that information, you could have then contacted the amorous couple with an offer to sell them back the video at a reasonable price or risk having a copy sent to your neighbor across the street and seeing a link to it pasted on your blog.

    That's the kind of payback that is truly satisfying.

    And if you're saying it might be a bit too harsh, I can remind you that this neighbor has already let their dog crap all over you and now their friends are obviously getting into the act as well.

    By Anonymous Big Daddy, at 2:38 PM  

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