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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Catchin' Up

Well, now that we've fed the squirrels who run on the conveyor belt that powers this system, let's catch up a little. I want to post new material, but I don't want to get too far ahead, 'cause I want to keep this week's theme - Haters - fresh.

So for now I'll refer you to Family of Haters, the prologue to the "Book of Haters," and The Hater Chronicles, chapter one.

Give me your thoughts on Haters and what makes 'em tick, and I'll do a new post later tonight or first thing in the morning.

10 Comments:

  • What makes Haters tick?

    It's all part of the consumerist culture we live in. People have to have the best, the newest, the whatever. Those who don't just haven't got it. So it breeds discontent with the multitude of stuff etc we already have. Discontent is catching, nasty, & hard to cure.

    Put a discontented nature with an envious spirit & you get a Hater. Someone who just can't, or won't be glad that someone other than them has things going well for them.

    It can be cured, but it takes the Hater to realise what they're doing, & to want to change.

    The trick is to learn to be content with what you have - & the next time the commercials point out that you don't have the best think of those around the world who have little, or nothing at all instead of how you don't have yet another thing! & learn to be happy for other people - or as the Apostle Paul said, "Be content with such things as you have." and "Rejoice with those who rejoice."

    & guess what - this shows in your face. Wrinkles? Why? Cos you're always bitter & envious about others' good fortunes? No wonder you look dried up & old. Learn to be glad for others' good fortune, hold things lightly & save a packet on the cosmetic surgery too!

    By Anonymous Bronchitikat, at 5:30 AM  

  • What makes Haters tick?

    It's all part of the consumerist culture we live in. People have to have the best, the newest, the whatever. Those who don't just haven't got it. So it breeds discontent with the multitude of stuff etc we already have. Discontent is catching, nasty, & hard to cure.

    Put a discontented nature with an envious spirit & you get a Hater. Someone who just can't, or won't be glad that someone other than them has things going well for them.

    It can be cured, but it takes the Hater to realise what they're doing, & to want to change.

    The trick is to learn to be content with what you have - & the next time the commercials point out that you don't have the best think of those around the world who have little, or nothing at all instead of how you don't have yet another thing! & learn to be happy for other people - or as the Apostle Paul said, "Be content with such things as you have." and "Rejoice with those who rejoice."

    & guess what - this shows in your face. Wrinkles? Why? Cos you're always bitter & envious about others' good fortunes? No wonder you look dried up & old. Learn to be glad for others' good fortune, hold things lightly & save a packet on the cosmetic surgery too!

    By Anonymous Bronchitikat, at 5:32 AM  

  • Oops, sorry about that, James.

    'Scuse a middle-aged non-Geek!

    By Anonymous Bronchitikat, at 5:33 AM  

  • I don't know, I think some people are raised assholes. And they grow up to raise assholes of their own. Broncitikat may have hit on something with the consumerism, but I think about it from a different angle. I think when you feel that the world owes you something njust for showing up, you'e already chosen to hate. I was taught to earn, and when I earn, I enjoy what I've earned so much more. Of course, I'm a fat middle aged cracker, so as far as most are concerned my opinion means nothing.

    By Anonymous og, at 8:58 AM  

  • Before we get too far down this path, I think it's necessary to define what "hating" is exactly. To me, the term "hating" has morphed into a different meaning much in the same way that the term "Ebonics" has come to signify the poorly spoken English dialect of some African American people. Ebonics is not the speech pattern--that is properly called African American Vernacular English or AAVE. Ebonics was the system of classes to teach AAVE to teachers who couldn't understand it, and, as a result, had no chance of imparting knowledge onto their students.

    Likewise, "Hating" is not usually genuine hate. The term "Hater" was conjured up by people who bristled at the criticism they would receive because of their various anti-social activities. As the term was initially used, it referred to a person who is critical of what that person perceived as ignorant behavior from the "Hatee". The "Hatee" usually used the term as a defense mechanism from the criticisms of the "Hater". Sometimes the criticisms were properly founded on bad behavior, i.e. rants against unemployed young men and women with no talent who seek a career in the arts (generally hip-hop/R&B/WB) or athletics without any desire to perform the hard work it takes to be successful in any business, yet with the gall to profess their mastery of "game" and "life", having demonstrated no actual ability to sustain their life or the life of their dependents in any meaningful way. (If there are any dependent children in this scenario, they are usually being cared for by a "baby momma" or "moms" who is bouyed by the occasional and inadequate child support payment and weekly doses of drama. A real testament to responsible adulthood). An example of "hating" on someone would be the unconscionable act of pointing out to a pride-filled but unemployed young man that standing on a corner selling crack to buy new spinner rims for his 1982 Caprice Classic is foolish when he has no money to buy diapers or clothes for the 4 children he has fathered out of wedlock with three women.

    Therefore, this man's response of "Why you hatin' on me?" or "Don't hate the player, hate the game" is a defense mechanism to the exposure and criticism of his ignorant behavior. The idea is to guilt-trip the person who is "hating" by shifting the blame from the person who exhibits absolutely zero responsibility to the person who points out how sorry the "hatee" is being. Classic killing the messenger/emporer has no clothes type of stuff.

    Another reason for calling someone a "Hater" is also a defense mechanism for the "player" or "hustler" who is trying to be some sort of pimp (usually just by wearing fancy clothes and overspending money their mother gave them). The "hater" in this instance is someone who is jealous of the good looks, charm, and easy life purportedly exhibited by the "hatee". Usually when this version of "hater" is used, there is contempt from the "hater" to the "hatee" and vice versa--the "hater" doesn't like the fact the "hatee" makes a group of people look bad by being shiftless and no good; the "hatee" thinks that the "hater" doesn't have the skills to rustle themselves up a decent life without kowtowing to "The Man" and doesn't understand why the "Hater" feels a need to knock their "hustle", whatever that hustle may be.

    A "Hater" has now morphed into any person who gives what is percieved to be misplaced criticism or jealousy to another person. The term "hating", as a consequence of being overused by a select group of hip-hop performers either located in the south (ATL, NOLA, TX) or displaced Southerners in CA, has now entered the lexicon of popular culture and has become as tired and played out as "f'shizzle" and "jiggy". When terms become played out, they lose their original meaning and you hear them coming out of the mouths of the unattuned. It is at that moment that the term dies, becomes fodder for middle school suburban kids in Colorado, and new hidden language (or slang) has to be created.

    So what makes true "Haters" tick is their inability to become the vanguard for any economic, social, or political movement because of their utter lack of imagination. But that only applies if the "Hatee" is being what Bob Marley used to call "upful and right"--otherwise, the "Hater" is simply a person reviled for being the only wise man in a room full of morons.

    By Anonymous Big Daddy, at 10:03 AM  

  • Big Daddy, Og, Bronchitikat, nice to have you all back. First, I agree BD that "Hater" doesn't indicate genuine hate. It's something along the lines of a figure of speech. When I was in college, my buddies and I used to jokingly "Hate" on guys who were a few years older than us and more successful than us. I say jokingly, 'cause we didn't begrudge them their success. We just wished we'd had the same success. Deep down inside though, we knew we had to earn ours and bide our time. So when we would say "that guy isn't so cool," or "his girl isn't so pretty," or "his clothe's aren't so great," we would always admit later that even so, if we could've had his coolness, his girl, and his clothes we'd have been more than content.

    We're dealing with a new breed of Hater these days that really does hate on others 'cause he/she feels a sense of unfulfilled entitlement.

    Og, you touched on that a bit.

    And Bronchitikat I agree that discontent is catching. I have a little less faith that it can be cured though, 'cause what will compel a Hater to feel/act differently other than fufilling their desire to be superior to you?

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 10:17 AM  

  • James, I have much to say, but I just wanted to mention that they're hamsters, not squirrels. Get your furry blogger geeks right! :-)

    By Blogger Manola Blablablanik, at 10:35 AM  

  • And Og, while this will make me sound like an incredible suck-up, your opinion does count for plenty. That's the beauty of this whole thing, just like Haters come in all stripes and ages, so do those folks w/blunt good sense.

    Of course, this lovefest will end the day you criticize me. Kidding. Keep it coming. Like I said in the first Hater post, what sets good sense folks apart from Haters is when a person w/good sense criticizes you it is constructive and useful and ideally leaves you w/ammo to go out and do better for yourself.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 10:36 AM  

  • Ah, but BD, you make my point about what sets Haters apart from other folks. If you point out to a friend that her slip is showing, then you're being a good friend...unless you point it out loudly in front of a crowd and in a tone that is clowning or mean-spirited, in which case you are a Hater.

    I'd be mad as all get out at one of my guys if he let me stand around a room with my fly open. He'd better pull me aside or text message me or something and alert me to close the door to the Bat Cave.

    You are right. It's not that the critque is always bad. Haters are slick. They can dress it up to where you think you've been complimented or encouraged and then later it dawns on you you've been put down. But it's not that the critique is always bad. It's that the Hater's motives are bad.

    By Blogger James Burnett, at 10:56 AM  

  • "what will compel a Hater to feel/act differently other than fufilling their desire to be superior to you?"

    'Tisn't really a case of 'compelling' anyone to do anything. More a case of changing a mindset - which has to be done with the realisation of the 'Hater' that they are behaving in a certain way, & they have to want to change.

    As you pointed out in your reply to the three of us - when you were younger you used to 'mock Hate' on guys who were better dressed or appeared more successful than you. But you also realised that, with hard work and application on your own part, plus a few breaks, you'd also get there.

    & I guess you're well adjusted enough to know that, even if you hadn't 'gotten there', your 'mock Hate' wouldn't have translated into the real thing cos you know what it's about.

    By Anonymous Bronchitikat, at 3:58 AM  

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