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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Friday, June 09, 2006

Chapter Four: The Hater Chronicles - Last Word

Well, it's been a fun week trying to plan postings around Blogger's outages and hosting a forum on the Hater family.

Let's close out the discussion Haters with this - at least this is my last word on it. Do feel free to share your final thoughts: Hating is an unfortunate quality. I think any person who is a Hater is missing out on a bit of life, because they are consumed with being first. There's a difference in that sentiment and striving to win. Striving to win is a good thing. It smacks of good work ethic and a desire to be the best. But wishing other people not to "win" or disliking them for winning or trying to keep them from winning? That's being a Hater.

If, as Og (Neanderpundit blog) says, many haters are born into Hating by virtue of the fact that they were raised to feel entitled to the good life, then there's no help for that ilk but total humility to someone they consider their lesser. And if a person, once fair-minded, evolves into a Hater because too many of his dreams haven't been recognized then that person needs to refocus his life to those things that will help him achieve his goals. By concentrating on what he wants to accomplish and not what he believes other folks don't deserve to accomplish that second type of Hater can find redemption.

But, if as Big Daddy pointed out, you are one of those people who is lazy, lacking ambition, lakcing creativity, etc., and accuses anyone who offers you a constructive critique of being a Hater, then you yourself are the Hater for your lack of willingness to humble yourself and learn from others.

I don't want to get too preachy though. So that's my word.

Enjoy the weekend, send me nominations for the Weekly Behavior Awards (best examples of extraordinarily good and/or bad behavior you've seen in the past week or so), and remember, don't be a Hater!


  • I think there's some truth in all you have said, and as individuals are unique, so are their troubles. Me, I'm a glass half full kind of guy. Life is easier that way.

    By Anonymous og, at 9:10 PM  

  • I think you've hit the nail on the head.

    These days it seems that not only do you have to work hard but you have to win, & (more emphasised) be seen to be winning.

    Those who are winning get to display the trappings - cars, watches, designer clothes etc. And Look Young! Hence Dame Judi Dench, although recognised as a consummate actress, is not to be interviewed on certain American TV stations because she is, to put it politely, 'older'.

    Heck, getting older is something most of us can win at, no trouble!

    Those who've swallowed the 'you must be seen to be a winner' mentality but, either through inaptitude, circumstances or sheer laziness, don't/can't finance this appearance then go on to become discontented & start Hating as a means of compensating themselves for not appearing to be successful in what, lets be serious for a bit now, is really a stupid competition.

    What, for goodness sake, is wrong with being content with what you have, working hard anyway, & treating other people as you'd like them to treat you? Apart from the fact that it's difficult. Particularly when those around you are working to different rules!

    By Anonymous Bronchitikat, at 7:02 AM  

  • I know so many people, including (ehem) cherished loved family members, who are haters by default. And I constantly try to defuse a bomb. Positive language is such a real positive force. I keep telling them, I'm going to keep a tally of every negative thing they say about anything, because the count just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

    It is one of the greatest things I've ever learned -- how you describe your reality will shape your reality. Haters need to learn how to see and TALK about the bright side of things.

    By Blogger Manola Blablablanik, at 12:45 PM  

  • I'm not sure if this counts as a 'hater'. But I know some people that I will call "one-up haters". Whatever you say, they will top. If you have a story about something, they will interject and try to "one-up" your story. For example, if you caught 10 fish, they will say they caught 11 on their last trip. Most of the time you know they're just messing with you, but they're not laughing. If anything "one-up" hater is an offshoot of "down-play" hater as they are trying to dimish your story/accomplishments.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:07 AM  

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