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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Chapter Two: The Hater Chronicles

It has been pointed out to me that I left out two more prominent members of the Hater family, known as I'm-Just-Sayin' Hater and Self Hater.

I'm-Just-Sayin' Hater is an interesting fellow...or woman, because while they don't say anything pointed to discourage you, they back into that message with subtle hints. Here's the example that Anonymous gave: "Dude, I would not have applied for that job if I were you, cuz they are looking for someone with (such and such) experience...I mean, I'm just sayin'..."

As for Self Haters, that one's interesting too, 'cause in name alone you'd expect that they'd hate on themselves more than anyone else. But Anonymous points out that Self Hater's dislike of himself and discontent with herself is already so deeply ingrained that he/she becomes Super Hater by virtue of taking on the characteristics of all the other members of the Hater family.

And Big Daddy, glad you're back, but why did I know you'd take this opportunity to sort of defend the Hater as possibly being the only sane person in the room?

You're gonna have to further defend that premise, buddy. Because there is no way you're telling me that the only sane person in the room is the guy calling you out in front of a crowd, or the guy telling you your new job would've been fine for him before he was so talented, or your new car is nice if that's all you can afford, or your house is OK if you don't mind living in the 'hood.


  • I want to see a Hater chapter about the "evolution of haters and hater-ism"

    Cuz I know lotsa ppl that were not always haters but now, if they don't hate, they might sufficate since hating has become their oxygen

    (you know the type, the ppl that are only happy when unhappy...)


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:53 PM  

  • JB, I'm not defending haters. Truly envious, greedy, mean spirited, and malicious jackasses are indeed haters and should be reviled. Someone who is trying to show you up in front of other people to make themselves look better is a jerk, unless there is an ongoing practical joke between you or you've been getting out-of-pocket yourself. But hating has somehow come to describe any criticism. It's not just reserved for people who can't follow Thumper's mother's advice ("If you can't say anything nice"), and it's not just for those whose comments are rooted in jealousy or spite.

    What I'm trying to show is that many people point a hater finger to cover their own misdeeds. They label someone as a hater to discourage that person from speaking their mind or confronting them publicly about an issue because they're wrong and they know it. It's the new version of loud-talking somebody, like when Republicans brand anyone who doesn't agree 100% with George "What--Me Worry?" Bush as anti-American. It's insulting to the intellect and I can't stand it in my presence. Should I have to be silent in the presence of a person's obvious bullsh*t and lies so that I don't "hate" on someone who is being a clown? I agree that you should try to pull a podna off to the side to tip their hat to a party foul, but if they prevent that by ignoring you or dogging you out, then it should be open season. I find that nowadays many people choose to ignore your helpful hints unless you get completely up in their sh*t, so it's hard to have that "you embarass embarass yourself" one-on-one like with Terence and Luda in Crash.

    I remember a time in this country when you didn't have to give a spoonful of sugar with every dose of medicine--that only children needed the kind of constant hand-holding and ego building that has become commonplace when confronting an adult with a Dr. Phil/Oprah issue. (Nehi's were also a quarter and a penny got you something at the store--where are my sandals and black socks?) So when I need to do that for grown folks who haven't matured intellectually to a point where they can justify their actions intelligently, I don't feel that bad if they call me a hater.

    Most hatees remind me of a 4 year old child who calls you mean when you take away their 5th piece of candy or tell them to go to bed for the 6th time.

    You're right. I'm mean.

    Now go get your f*ckin' shine box!

    By Anonymous Big Daddy, at 5:44 PM  

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