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Burnett's Urban Etiquette

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

You are the weakest link!

I saw a guy last night whose player credentials must be immediately revoked. He was working the bar in a tiny corner tavern in the East Village and spent probably 20 minutes on the phone apparently wooing a young woman.

He did everything but beg her - actually he did beg; he just didn't say "please" - to come to the bar and hang out with him while he worked because he was bored and she was "stunning," and "beautiful," and "really unique."

It worked. Sure enough she showed up about 30 minutes later. Their cooing and giggling went on for about 30 minutes more, and then another young woman came through the door looking around.

She flipped her hair, clutched her purse nervously, and rubbed absentmindedly on her glossed lips. Then, the bartender who is more than a few inches shorter than me and was seated on the other side of me stood up to walk back behind the counter.

Woman number two saw him. Seconds later she saw woman number one, who remained surprisingly calm as woman number two stalked toward them. I was expecting (and half hoping for) a Springer-esque showdown. But it didn't happen.

Woman number two just confronted the bartender who turned beat red and wore a look on his face that read I forgot I invited her here too! He stammered a few minutes, shrugged and held out his hands like he was trying to fend off an attacker, and finished with something along the lines of "I don't know what to say!" Woman number two turned and walked away. Woman number one stayed to finish her drink. But she didn't say another word to the bartender.

Tsk tsk.

I don't advocate being a player, but if you're gonna put yourself out there like that get it right.

And this guy, who had been passing himself off as a player on the phone earlier, got busted like the rankest of amateurs.

To the Player Control Board: revoke this man's credentials and tear up his membership card, please.

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